


Connection

by gianabryne1976



Series: Connection [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, The Rise of Skywalker
Genre: Ben is a carpenter, F/M, I added a warning to the top of the chapter with the trigger, In her own words cause he's hot, Leia calls him Benny, Post-Canon Fix-It, Rey Likes it Rough, Rey isn't waiting, SO MUCH FLUFF, Smut Right Away, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, There are major major things I didn't tag, To a secret planet with lots of green, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), You will have a cavity soon from the fluff, again with the fluff, lots of fluff, they run away together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:00:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 36,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24513475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gianabryne1976/pseuds/gianabryne1976
Summary: I wrote this in March just for myself. I'd never written anything in my life. I've never had a movie get to me, break my heart, like TROS did. I cried so hard. I actually did not like Kylo. Then at the beginning of TROS, something changed. By the Kef Bir scene, I was full on Reylo. Better late than never, I guess. I didn't know about fanfiction. I didn't know about AO3.For three days, I could not stop thinking about the movie. Ben dying was an atrocity. So I simply wrote two sentences. The first two you will read. Then a day later, the first paragraph. Then it all came tumbling out as I furiously typed into my phone while sitting in a parking lot. It was cathartic. My best friend asked me what was wrong. For days I had been so sad. I finally had to tell her. She then asked me to publish it.I'm reworking it now and republishing it. I've learned a lot since then. Hopefully you will like it.To me, this is what they deserved. I also wrote a sequel, Conquer.The description is at the top of first chapter. I moved it there because I talked too much here. Lol.Rey and Ben run away together after Exegol to an uncharted planet. They start their lives anew, together at last.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Series: Connection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792003
Comments: 75
Kudos: 79





	1. Run

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jerseybama99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jerseybama99/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo is alive, brought back by the Dyad they share.
> 
> Rey refuses to live without him. She's lived without his touch long enough.
> 
> Ben and Rey run away together, finding themselves on a far away planet in the Outer Rim.
> 
> But the Dark Side isn't extinguished. As long as there is light, there is darkness.
> 
> Ben finds himself struggling again to protect the only thing that matters to him now, Rey, against his new enemy.
> 
> Himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Heather for supporting me and loving my story so much. Even if I only wrote it for you, it was worth all the hours. Love you.

He came back.

He came back to _her_.

For hours she lay there, sobbing, begging. Her mind reeling, what happened? What just occurred? They last time she saw him, she had just healed him, taking him from death's hand. She finally, _finally_ told him the _thing_. The secret. That she _did_ want him. But not him. The man he was hiding from her. The man she had glimpsed. Some might say she had created a _version_ of him in her mind. No. He was there. Ben was there the whole time. He was fooling himself, thinking himself not good enough. But he, Ben, was good enough for her. Kylo Ren was a disguise. Hiding Ben had become his full time job. She had ripped him apart, only to sew him back together.

And he had finally saw the truth. He'd finally removed the disguise by allowing her to kill it. He'd come to her to save her. She had saved him and now he had saved her.

Only to lose his life. To give _her_ his life.

He'd finally seen who he was. He came not only to help her but to give himself to her. To show her he _could_ be the man she needed.

The man she loved had finally become something she didn't have to run from. She no longer had to fear him. She could finally trust him with her heart.

But now he was gone. She had begged him through their bond to come back.

 _Come back, please! I need you! I can't, won't,_ ** _will_** **_not live without you!_**

**_Ben Solo I LOVE YOU!_ **

But, he was gone. Maybe she'd find a way. Bring him back. Yes, he was one with the force but maybe there was a way she could see him? Yes, she'd figure this out. Maybe if she could reach Luke, her master, he'd understand and help her.

Yes, that's it. She could do that. Try that.

Then she remembered she had to go home. They were waiting. They were all she had left.

She stood, one foot in front of the other.

She grabbed his black sweater, the one she punctured with his own saber and wrapped it around her. She walked away, tears pouring down. She had to find Luke's X-wing. She had to go home to Anja Kloss. She needed her friends. They deserved to know what happened.

They had to know what he did for her, for them, for the galaxy.

She didn't know how to tell them that Kylo, Ben, was gone. She knew they wouldn't understand why she wasn't completely happy about their victory.

They didn't know what had transpired between her and Ben Solo. This was a secret she'd forever keep to herself. It meant too much to share it. It was sacred.

So she walked and climbed. She saw light and then suddenly, a presence. Someone was there. She reached with the Force and felt no danger. She knew it was a friend, light in the force. Finn? How did he find her?

Then, a voice. A deep voice. A voice she knew. She knew it like she knew her own breath. Her own heartbeat.

"Rey," he whispered.

_Ben_

His force ghost. He must have come to tell her goodbye.

She kept walking. She knew she could NOT deal with seeing his force ghost. She cannot say goodbye to him. Not yet. Not ever. He called again, "Rey, Rey stop!"

She stood still. She wouldn't turn around.

"Ben, I'm not ready for this"

His voice was afraid, actually afraid. Shaking.

"You're not ready to kiss me again?"

She didn't even hear his words. She spun around with her eyes closed and screamed at him.

"You are dead! Leave me alone! My heart is broken! I finally kiss you, hold you, touch you AND YOU LEAVE ME!! I can't see you yet! My heart can't stand it! To see you but never touch you again.....would....be.....pure...hell"

She gasped between those last words, sobbing and shaking with grief. Her face was down, covered with her hands. She refused to look up, to even open her eyes.

He had left her and that had broken her heart. He broke her heart. The heart that she had somehow handed him in the midst of war. 

She feels something. Breath. Warm breath on her neck. She also feels his body heat. How was this possible? He's _dead._

Then his hands touch her shoulders, sliding to her elbows. It all feels so _real_.

He turns her.

"Open your eyes Rey."

She looked up. He was there. All of him. In the flesh.

"How?????"

He smiled. That amazing, beautiful smile that somehow she _knows_ is only for her.

"We are a dyad, remember? You. YOU brought me back. I don't understand it myself. Yet here I am."

Then everything around them shifts. The ground is quaking. He pulls her to him, protectively.

"Exegol is collapsing." He whispers.

So they run. He pulls her to his ship.

"This way!"

She won't leave Luke's Starfighter behind.

"Oh no no no. I can't get on that!"

"You don't have a choice!!! If you stay I won't leave!! I just lost you and I cannot do that again!! Now GET ON THE PLANE"

So now they are on their way to Anja Kloss. They aren't talking, there aren't words for what they've been through. He awkwardly asks for his sweater. They fly to her home.

He no longer has a home. His new home is wherever she is.

She is his home.

When they arrive she makes it very clear that he cannot be seen. She doesn't know what the others might do. She doesn't know how much of Ben is still Kylo. After all, she's only known Ben as Kylo. This man is almost a stranger to her, he's much different than what she knows of him. He's very quiet, not speaking much, out loud or through their bond. She doesn't know this man but her connection to him is still very strong. He's still there, the man she loves, just hidden, somewhere. She cannot wait to know him deeper.

After celebrating with her friends, her new family, the questions come at her like bolts from a blaster.

She tells them everything. She hates telling who she is but she has to. She's the granddaughter of that evil man.

She tells them Palpatine lured her there. She explains his horrible plan, that when she killed him, his soul would enter her. She herself would be turned to the dark side. She was faced with either the deaths of her friends or becoming a Sith.

She tells them about Ben. How Ben was brainwashed from birth by Snoke. Tortured for years by that monster. That Snoke had forced him to do such evil things.

How Leia communicated with her son, gave up her life to pull him from the dark side. She told them she stabbed Ben and then healed him and when she did, Kylo died. The evil in him was dead.

"Ben knew the Emperor's plan. He came to kill him for me but we could only defeat him as a dyad. If it wasn't for Ben Solo, we'd all be dead"

She then explained the dyad. That it had started when he read her mind the first time. If it weren't for that, they'd all be dead.

She did not share the force connects with her friends. Those were private moments between her and Ben. Those were sacred.

"Ben is not Kylo anymore. He is not that monster. He used his life force to bring me back to life. It killed him"

"Then our dyad brought him back"

Her rebel friends sat, shocked. Some believed her, some thought she was lying. She did lie when she told them that he had flew away in his ship.

She told Poe and Finn they could not go after Ben. This did not go over well, especially with Poe. Finn watched Rey, knowing the full story now.

Somehow he knew she now belonged to Ben Solo. He felt deep love coming from her, even though he'd barely begun to tap into the Force.

But the love wasn't for him.

He'd felt it all along. He had felt her pull to Kylo, away from himself. Now he knew why.

She loves Ben Solo.

Finn heard his best friend Poe rant and holler about going after Ben. Rey begged him not to, saying that Han and Leia had given their lives for their son to bring him back from the dark side. They must honor their memories.

Finn had to walk away, get away from Rey. He'd lost her to his greatest enemy.

She doesn't tell anyone he came with her. She tells them she doesn't know where Ben ran to. It's too dangerous to tell the truth. She doesn't know where this relationship is going but she WILL NOT give Ben up.

_________________________________________

Ben has never felt so vulnerable. The steady hum of the force bond is still there but he won't reach out to her. He won't feel for her. He loves her too much to infringe on her again. All the times he felt for her before, he shouldn't have done it. He shouldn't have indulged in her emotions. Is she coming back? Maybe everything he'd thought might happen between them was over. He is miserable.

Ben is drawn to the cave. He senses his mother's presence there. Her body has become one with the force, but somehow he knows this was where she gave her life up for him, her only child. He finds only her death shroud, the fabric used to cover his mother. He grabs it and wraps it around his body.

Ben senses someone approaching. It's his Uncle Lando.

Lando is not a Jedi but he is force sensitive and somehow he knew Ben was alive and waiting there. When Lando locked eyes with Rey a moment ago in the hangar, he knew. He sensed Ben's force connection with Rey is still very strong. So he went to find Han and Leia's son.

This was one uncle he never hated. Lando senses that Kylo is finally dead. All that stands before him now is a young man who had hurt, even killed, a lot of people he cared about. Ben becomes very emotional at the sight of his old friend. He now knows Kylo was gone, because the hatred is gone. Lando knows what Han and Leia would want him to say to their son.

Lando speaks.

"Well son, you are alive, I don't know how. But you know Luke and your mother cared about that girl. So you better damn sure do what they want for once. Now you can either slowly die from regret or you can take care of her. Here's your second chance. You sure as hell don't deserve her but she's in love with you. Do her right or my old ass will find you"

Then he left. Ben sat there, watching, waiting. He tried to sense if his mother was near. But nothing. He wasn't ready yet and she knew it.

Is Rey coming back? She never made that clear. He just kind of assumed. But what if he is wrong?

_What if I never see her again?_

What if she just expects him to find his own way? He had nowhere to go. He was homeless. Everyone he loved is dead.

Except her. And now she is with Finn. He is not stupid. He's seen his former stormtrooper look at her. He's heard Finn scream Rey's name like a man in love, convinced she was about to die. The man crossed a treacherous sea to get to her. Climbed the Death Star. Ben is filled with jealousy. But he won't force Rey to leave Finn, if that is who she wants.

"Dammit!!!"

He punches the wall. His hand pours with blood. He doesn't notice.

_I should've died. Why be alive with no one? Nothing? No home?_

He's actually scared. He begins to shake.

Rey suddenly feels a deep sorrow come over her. She looks back over her shoulder. It's Ben. The force is pulling her back to him. She has to go to him.

She cannot deny that she's in love with him. He is her dyad. He saved her life. They had defeated the dark side together and saved the galaxy.

But it was more than that. There was more there than they'd dare dream of. A passion. An unquenched fire.

She collects her thoughts very quickly and devises a plan. She needs a stronger ship and money. They have to run far away. She is sad to leave but so happy. Now she can see what the future holds with Ben Solo.

She searches for Poe and Finn. She needs a favor.

Finn hides behind the crates, he can't see her right now.

Realizing Finn is gone, she whispers to Poe. Poe hands her a box. Then she is gone.

Finn watches her walk away. His heart hurts. She means so much to him. Rey saved him. Did she even realize it?

When Ben hears Rey call out to him, he almost cries. She's back. She did return to him. She leans up on her tiptoes, places her hands on his shoulders and kisses him very quickly.

"Let's go Ben"

It is a quick peck, like they were just any couple but it takes his breath away. His body shivers. What does it mean? What does she want? It's like she knows and she assumes he does too. He knows just by his reaction that if he ever had more of her, it might just kill him. He thinks of Exegol and how, even though he was half dead, her kiss aroused him. He's glad she walked away or he probably would've put her on that cave wall and kissed her until she couldn't stand up. The thought of that arouses him even more. He wraps the blanket tighter, like a cloak, hoping she doesn't notice the effect she's having on his body.

 _Get it together_ , _Solo._

He walks with her, no idea where he is going. He's empty. He doesn't know how to live now.

Somehow he has to atone for what he has done. Is he doomed to live a life of misery? He deserves it. Everyone hates him. Wants him dead. Except Rey. His beautiful Rey.

He follows her not only because he loves her but because he simply doesn't know what step to take next.

So he takes his first step with her.


	2. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can't live without her and she won't live without him.

She _has_ to be with him.

The thought of not being with him is too painful.

Like the soil without rain.

He's her Ben. The man she's always yearned for. He's finally Ben.

She can finally admit to herself how she's always been attracted to him. Not just physically, though yes, he is handsome in ways no other man is. But also, he understands her and she sees him. She sees that he is not a monster. She sees his heart.

They have to be together in the same room. If not, their souls will find a way to each other. Just like when she was on the island and he was on the other side of the Galaxy. The connection is that strong and that amazing. She cannot be without him.

She never wants to be without him. She never has, now that she's being honest.

She knows she loves him. She just hasn't had time to let it sink in. She has known it for quite some time. It is beyond the dyad. Beyond the force connecting them. She _needs_ him. Her soul needs him. Her heart needs him. She knows her body does too. The thoughts she's had of him have been her deepest darkest secret, holding her captive late at night.

She's never wanted a relationship with anyone. Men on Jakku had proven themselves disgusting. Relationships on Jakku were dangerous, leading to pregnancy, a death sentence for women there. So at a much younger age, she wrote off love and sex as undesirable things.

Also, she'd never found a man to be as handsome as he is.

When he held her on Exegol, it felt so good, so _right_ _._ Like heaven in the middle of literal hell. She had not hesitated to kiss him. It felt natural. It was so passionate and fulfilled some of those secret thoughts she'd had lying in her quarters every night. She wonders if he felt it too. She swears she's seen him stare at her mouth many times, like he was thinking about kissing her.

Yes, his plush lips do feel as good as they look, she thinks, feeling herself blush. 

She doesn't know what the future holds and that is scary. Hell, she doesn't even know what the next hour holds but she is with him and the danger is gone.

They arrive on a planet called Driea, a place that is warm but not too warm. A place that has lakes and waterfalls and green luscious forests. Almost uninhabited, other than a luxury resort and the village around it.

She will never return to Jakku. Even the thought of that dust bowl of a planet makes her sick. The Rey that was from Jakku is no more.

She had told him she wanted to go somewhere green. It was a place her parents had visited and wrote of it in their journals. She had always dreamed of going there. It's not well known so she thinks maybe no one there knows his face.

He realizes she is taking care of him. What a strange feeling. He doesn't know how to feel about that. He'd never let anyone else do this. But with Rey? It just feels natural. He's trying very hard not to think about it.

There is one problem. They have limited credits. Even though Ben was very wealthy at one point, it is all gone now. He doesn't know what to do. His entire life, he just demanded what he wanted and got it. She had managed to gather some credits from Poe but not much. She would find a way to make money. She always had. She didn't know how but she wanted to be with this complicated mess of a man so she'd make it happen.

There was really only one place to stay. There was no way they had enough credits for two separate rooms. When she told him, he didn't know what to say. They were going to be in the same room? His heart almost stops. What did this mean? She seems nonchalant about it, like, why not?

Even though they kind of know they are together, they have not discussed their relationship or feelings. There just had not been an opportunity. Neither of them have even slept.

They enter the room and both of them freeze when they realize there's only one bed.

"I'll sleep on the floor and we'll get a separate room for me when we can" he stammers out at her, not daring to look at her in the eye.

His pale face is now a deep red and he disappears into the fresher. She hears him turn on the water.

Rey sits there, thinking. She knows what she wants. Him. Now. But could she? Could she so quickly take it that far?

 _Damn_.

That's what she literally feels when she looks at this man in black with his immense height and broad chest and arms like...well...like _that._

DAMN.

She finds herself very bold. Too much has happened between them to just casually date. And there was no way in hell he would just be her friend.

No sense in talking.

The game has been played.

The dance has been danced.

They have seen each other's dreams and thought each other's thoughts.

They know each other as well as they ever could.

There was only one thing they had not done.

Be together. As a man and a woman in love should be.

The desire for each other has gone on too long.

She saw his eyes a moment ago and knows she'll have to be the one to go to him. Kylo had tried before to be with her and she had pushed him away.

She didn't want him.

She wanted Ben.

And now he is on the other side of that door.

Just steps away.

Nothing is stopping her from going to him now.

She sits there, knowing what she wants. Would he think she was easy? He had told her he didn't want to force connect anymore. He said it was wrong. He had not said much but he had apologized for listening to her thoughts.

"And, um, just.... everything Rey. Every damn thing. I'm so sorry" he had whispered to her, looking at his feet. She swears she saw tears in his eyes.

She told him the same, that she wouldn't listen to his thoughts anymore. But a bit won't hurt, will it?

What _is_ he thinking about?

She concentrates.....reaching just a little...

She gasps and turns red.

He is fantasizing her naked under the water with him right now.  
  


_________________________________________

Ben stands under the hot water.

 _This is crazy,_ he thinks.

Twenty four hours ago he was fighting for her life, now he is alone with her.

He is Ben.

Kylo is dead.

He feels empty, yet alive, _real_.

Like a human. He is a mess inside. He will deal with that later. He has to take care of her. For once, he has to think about what she wants, not what he thinks she needs.

After all, she is Rey. _Rey._ His Rey.

He blinks and his minds goes _there._ A vision of her with him right now, under this water, nude in his arms. It is a fantasy he has often. Her nude with him in bed, in the 'fresher, hell, anywhere.

She is devastatingly beautiful. He often thinks of her lips, pouty and full, naturally tinted pink. Her eyes, which he knows turn green when she's angry and golden when she's happy. Her nose, which is a feature that he's never noticed on anyone. After all, it's just a nose. But hers is cute, adorable even. Her skin is a color he'd never been able to achieve, tanned dark by the desert sun. He wonders if all of her skin is that wonderful color. She has a splattering of freckles across her face. He's tried to count them. He loved how her hair would not be tamed, working its way out of her buns. He's noticed how the ends curl around her face. Damn, even her ears turn him on. He'd almost gotten himself killed by her, distracted at times by how beautiful she is.

He's tried hard, very hard, not to notice her neck. Long, tan and aching to be kissed. Nibbled. Sucked on. When her hair is down at least it covers her exquisite neck. But then he'd just stare at her hair. Besides, its not like it covered the hollow at the bottom of her throat, where his tongue would fit perfectly.

Dammit now he's hard. He reaches to turn the water colder and ignores the temptation to take himself in his hand, like he's done before. That honestly just made him want her more. He couldn't stop himself from imagining her hand around his cock, how it would feel. So mostly he'd just stand in the cold shower. Or go break stuff.

He's lost much sleep thinking of what it would be like to have her under him, writhing, hollering his name. He wonders if she's ever orgasmed in her short life. He'd love to bring her to orgasm for the first time. He wonders what color her hazel eyes would turn.

He stands under the freezing water, forcing himself to stop. He wouldn't give in to the fantasy like he normally did.

Maybe just one more thought....

He'd give anything to have her in here with him right now. After all, she needs to use the fresher too. He could just assist her in that. He knows now that he can cover her belly with his hand....he could have her squeaky clean in a matter of seconds.

He was deeply distracted and didn't sense her connect to him in that moment. He doesn't know he just showed her _exactly_ what he wants.

He wants _her._

And right now, she is sitting on a bed.

A bed of all things.

Right outside the door.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of my story was written in my car LOL. I love to drive and THINK. So I was driving, thinking of how Ben must've been tormented thinking he'd probably never have Rey. He thought he'd never have her heart OR her body.
> 
> A song came on my radio.
> 
> Love Bites by Def Leppard
> 
> Its my favorite song lol
> 
> I'm old so that song is from the 80s. Lol.
> 
> IT WAS PERFECT FOR HIM
> 
> Go look it up.
> 
> Its a very sexy song about a man wanting a woman.
> 
> "I don't want to touch you too much babe, cause making love to you might drive me crazy"
> 
> "Love begs, Love pleads, it's what I need"
> 
> Ben needed love.
> 
> I can totally see my version of Ben torturing himself with this song. Lol
> 
> I started to have him flashback to a time when he was alone and hears this song, thinks of Rey's body and destroys something 😂😂
> 
> Especially the beginning. I think he thought her and Finn were together.
> 
> "When you make love, do you look in the mirror. Who do you think of? Does he look like me?"
> 
> I can see him wondering if she had made love to Finn and thought about him during.
> 
> Look it up.


	3. Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She knows what she wants and now she knows he wants it too.
> 
> I don't play around. No slow burns here, y'all. These two have waited long enough.
> 
> Rey snuck a peek at what he was thinking about and is about to fulfill his fantasy.
> 
> Kudos, cheers, applause and let's just all adore the iconic Reylo artist Ila Fox for this art. I totally fangirled when we spoke online. Ila draws Ben like no other. 
> 
> This was the first smut scene I'd ever written. I'd never read anything on AO3 before so I had no idea what I was doing. I wrote it from Ben's POV, it just came to me that way. 
> 
> I've received both good and not so good responses for that. I've been tempted to rewrite it but I haven't. It's different, I know.

She knows what she wants and now she knows _he_ wants it too.

She stands and undresses, not hesitating, not feeling ashamed. Like he was already her lover and this was just the normal thing to do.

She remembers the time that she heard Ben's thoughts wishing he could see her hair down again. So she removes the bindings in her hair, letting it fall down her back.

She slips into the 'fresher unnoticed.

She watches him.

Her thoughts aren't even words, but fragmented sounds. He is completely nude as he stands with his back to her.

She'd seen naked men. Men on Jakku thought nothing of being nude, outside, bathing. Everytime she'd gag.

She'd _never_ seen a man's body look like _this_. Ben Solo is an exquisite specimen to behold.

 _He's beautiful_.

She cannot believe how tall and broad of a man he is. She watches his back, muscles moving under his skin as he wets his hair, runs his fingers through.

_I need to touch his hair. I need to touch him._

Her eyes go down, drinking all of him in.

She makes a sound she never knew she could make, starts shaking and almost runs away. He's gorgeous.

_I hope he thinks I'm pretty._

  
She has always hated her body. Her breasts are small, she knows. She doesn't have curves, not ever having much food to eat to fill out her own skin.

She's terrified but the temptation overrides the fear. After all, he _did_ just fantasize this.

He never even realized she was there as she took five long steps to him.

~*~

I feel her arms wrap around me. What is happening? I think perhaps I've let my mind wander too far for too long.

But wait, fantasies don't have body heat and a racing heartbeat, which I now feel both between my shoulder blades.

She slides her hands around my body, stopping on my chest. Her body is pressed against mine. Oh Force she is _naked_. My Rey, my fantasy Rey is nude. Here. With me. I feel her lips slightly kiss my skin. Just a whisper of a kiss but she lights my skin on fire.

I literally stop breathing. Is my heart beating?

_What is she doing? What do I do? I never thought she wanted me, not like this. Not like I want her. But I don't want to take advantage. I've done enough damage._

"Ben, turn around" she whispers with a throaty voice I've never heard before.

So I do. She is my queen and I must do her bidding. 

I'm not dreaming. This is my Rey and _holy_ _fuck_ she's really naked. Her eyes are green and gold and brown. There are six freckles on the bridge of her nose. Six.

She never lets go of me. My arms hang down my sides. Not that I don't want to hold her. I just can't seem to move my arms.

_I'm so hard. I've never been so hard. She knows I am. I'm pressed against her belly. Her warm belly._

_I certainly can't hide that I want her....._

"Ben, it's okay. I know what I'm doing. I'm not a girl"

All those times I called her girl, I never meant it......

She presses her body against me, unafraid. Her arms are around my torso, holding me tightly, like she possesses me. She does and she knows it.

_Hell no, definitely NOT a girl....._

_Fuck._   
_Fuck._   
_Fuck._   
_Fuck._   
_Fuck._

I stand there and she says, "Hold me, please don't ignore me"

_Yeah, okay, you are naked wrapped around my body. I promise I won't ignore you....._

_Move arms! Do something!_

I pull her to me roughly, thinking of how much I'd love to fuck this amazing woman. In every position there is. Hard and fast. For days on end.

"Ben, I know you don't want us to read each other's minds now but damn I wish I knew what you were thinking...."

I wince at the last thought I'd just had.

_No, you don't......_

She deserves more than to just be fucked like some animal. She deserves to have me worship every inch of her body. For days on end.

Thoughts of being inside of her pour all over my mind, I am throbbing now. She must feel it. What does she think of me throbbing against her belly?

I had told her I would not force connect with her again. It was wrong to force myself into her head.

_But I won't stop her if she connects with me._

I look down at her face and fall into those amazing green eyes. The freckles on her face are like a constellation of stars. Her lips, oh Force, those lips. I have watched those lips for a year, wanting them on mine. Her kiss on Exegol was better than I dreamed.

 _I get to kiss her again..._..

I reach to her face and trace down her nose with one finger.

"I'm thinking that I really like your nose"

She smiles and my heart skips.

"Rey, are you sure about this?"

She nods and reaches up, pushing my hair out of my face, over and behind my ear. Her fingertips gently go down the side of my neck and down my chest.

_Dammit woman........_

She stands on her tiptoes and kisses me. Hard. She wraps her arms around me tighter, pressing her breasts into my chest.

_This is it, I'm going to be dead again soon.....oh Force her breasts feel good._

I can't help it, I kiss her back roughly, deeply, violently, my hands are suddenly everywhere. Her tongue is as fierce as her saber, darting, twisting with mine. Just like in my dreams. Better than my dreams.

_I've never touched a woman like this._

I was told I'd be a celibate Jedi. I was so sheltered. Then Kylo was too distracted by revenge to even notice a woman.

_Until Rey._

Her skin is so soft. I never could really see her body the way she was all wrapped up tight in that damn fabric that made her look like a boy. Her breasts are soft and full, bigger than I even imagined. Her body curves down into a place that makes me think I'm dreaming again.

I wrap my arms around her waist and lift her up a bit, her feet dangling. Her naked body is pressed against mine. My erection is rock hard but I sense no fear or uncertainty in her.

She likes it.

I wonder if she's been with a man. I wonder if she was with Finn. I know the man wanted her. The thought makes me rage. I've destroyed my old quarters at the thought of him making love to her.

I have to toss it aside.

_She's mine now._

She pulls away looking up at me.

"Ben, I think maybe I need to shower, before, um, we, um, I mean, I am all nasty and my hair needs washing, so, um, just....give me a second"

"Huh? Oh yeah, a shower, yeah, I'll go then."

I let go of her. I can't help but look at her nude body. She covers her breasts with her arms and looks down.

"Rey, look at me"

She will not look up.

"Rey...."

She peeks with her eyes, her face shy.

I take her arms in my hands, pulling them away from her chest. With my hand I lift her chin.

"You are beautiful"

"I don't like my body" she whispers. "My breasts are small. I don't have hips"

"Rey, you are beautiful. Do you realize how hard I am?"

Her face turns red, "Yeah."

"I'm hard for your body. Do you realize I'm terrified to touch your breasts? Because they are exquisite. Sexy. Damn Rey, you are sexy as _fuck_ "

I can't stop myself. I don't want to stop. I grab her to me by her ass, gripping it tightly.

"Damn Rey, you are so fucking sexy, do you even know what kind of thoughts I've had about your body?"

I suddenly pull her under the water and grab the soap bar. I stare into those eyes while rubbing the soap over my hands. I set it down and rub her back. She gasps.

"Ben you don't have to..."

"Do I look like I don't want to? Just....let me"

"Oh, yeah, okay"

I slowly bathe her back, shoulders and arms. She won't back up so I can bathe the front of her body. I sense her embarrassment.

"Rey, step back"

"No, it's okay, I'm fine like this"

I sort of chuckle at her nervousness. How the kriff can she be so insecure about herself? She's utter perfection.

"Rey, let me touch you"

I rub the soap over her breasts and feel her nipples under my hands, hard and perfect. She moans, digging her nails into my arms. Her eyes are closed now. Her mouth is slightly open. I can't help it, have to kiss her again.

She somehow manages to wash her hair while we kiss. My hands go into her soapy hair, taking over. Our bodies are slick, rubbing together.

She pulls me under the water again to rinse off.

I walk us backwards towards the wall and I feel the cold air. I grab a towel and wrap it around her, never taking my mouth off of hers. I'm certainly not cold but I don't want her to be.

I bend over and scoop her up.

"Well this is familiar," I tell her, smirking.

"I don't remember that"

"I do."

I lay her down and she's covered up. I'm not but I'm not embarrassed. She is looking at me. All over me.

She says, "Ben, come to me, I want you"

_I can't breathe again._

_I can't talk either. Her power over me is evident._

She sits up on one elbow and unwraps her towel slowly, seductively, her eyes looking into mine. My eyes slide down her body, taking all of her in. I see the triangle of hair at the top of her thighs and groan.

I can barely speak looking at her.

"Rey....you are beautiful"

She slightly blushes, becoming shy again but she suddenly looks my body over and her boldness returns.

"I need you Ben. I want you. All of you"

The groan that comes from me is unlike any sound I've ever made.

I can't lay next to her fast enough. I'm unsure where to touch her. She takes my hand and places it on her stomach, just like when we were on Exegol.

My hand covers her belly completely.

She's shaking all over. So am I.

"Ben, I've never done this before."

I try not to breathe a huge sigh of relief. I sense her honesty.

"I haven't either, Rey."

I can tell by her face that she doesn't believe me.

"Rey, I'm a Jedi. Attachments are forbidden. We are to remain celibate. Then when I became him, I was too distracted by hate, I didn't even think about it. Until I met you"

"Oh, so you thought about making love to me?"

I groan and whisper, burying my face in her neck, smelling her scent. My head spins.

"Dammit Rey. Yes"

She smiles at my awkwardness. This is funny to her. I'm funny to her. But for some reason it's not a bad thing. I love her smile. It took a long time of knowing her to see her smile. I have a lot of making up to do. I make it my life's mission to make her smile as much as possible.

I slightly bite her earlobe to grab her attention. She moans. That too will become my new life mission. Because that moan is a reason to live. 

She runs her hand into my hair and pulls my head up to kiss me. Her breasts press up against me. I cannot breathe. She is still shaking. I lean down to her and push her flat on the bed. My hand slides from her belly to her waist. I want to do more but I'm not sure what to do. I'm shaking too.

I had tried not to think about touching Rey, kissing Rey. Sometimes I'd give into my fantasies.

Sometimes it hurt too bad to think about. I'd usually go break shit when that happened.

She runs her fingers deeper into my hair. I literally gasp. No one has ever played with my hair like this.

She uses her tongue to part my lips, then open my mouth, then her tongue touches my tongue. I groan out loud. I'm not sure why she's doing this. I never knew she wanted me. Me.

_Maybe she's trying to stop my heart._

_That's her ploy. Kill me._

_Well if I'm going to die this is sure a hell of a way to go._

I instinctively know what to do with my mouth, with my hand. I run my hand down her body and cup her rear. Now she groans. This is the best sound I've ever heard. I want to hear that sound for the rest of my life.

I realize that in all the times I've invaded her mind, as much as I enjoyed it, she's now invading me in a whole different way.

_This beautiful creature is controlling me. And I love it._

_I love her. I love Rey. I'm in love with Rey._

She lifts up her leg and hooks it over my body, lifting her groin up to my erection. I groan again. _How does she know how to do that? To do exactly what my body needs her to do? Is she reading my thoughts?_

_I don't care if she is._

_I like her boldness_.

I'm thinking of her leg, her breasts, her tongue. I feel her hands all over my back and my neck and in my hair. My hand slides under her body and I lift her up to me.

_I can't get enough of her._

She whispers my name. My real name.

She whispers in a deep moan,

"Ben....."

I hate my name. But I've never heard her say it like that, with such passion. I grow harder than I ever have before. I cannot breathe again.

_I'd do anything for her._

_I'd let her do anything to me. I'm hers. I want to do this forever._

I breathe the words,

"What sweetheart?"

I'm not sure why I called her sweetheart, it just came natural.

She breathes the words into my ear,

"Make love to me Ben, please"

 _Oh, I plan to_. But I'm not sure of what to do. I mean, I know what to do, I'm aware of how it works. I'm not sure if I can do it without dying first.

I lay her back and look at her again. Her body looks different. Her skin is flushed. Her breasts are swollen.

She slides her body upwards to get more comfortable. Her breasts come closer to my face.

Her nipples are so hard. I can't stop myself. I don't want to. I lean over and suck one. I grab the other breast in my hand. How could she hate her breasts? They are exquisite. She makes that sound again. I love that sound. She arches her body up towards mine. I can't believe what she's doing to me. I'm shaking and I feel amazing pain radiating from my body from how hard I am right now.

_I have to be inside her soon._

I want to make her feel like she's making me feel. But it might hurt her. I don't want to hurt her.

I remember hearing men talk about sex. I acted like I knew what they were talking about. I'd lie and say I'd been with women.

I remembered what to do. I had to prepare her for the pain. My hand is shaking. I slide it down her soft belly. I move my further down, cupping her with my hand and realize she is very wet. _Wet for me_. I groan loudly. She is making sounds I didn't know existed.

She is so hot and soft and wet. I separate her folds and slide my finger inside of her. Her walls clench down on my finger and she gasps, thrusting herself into my hand. I growl deep inside. I feel her tightness and want to thrust my cock inside of her, violently.

_I want to claim her._

Her eyes roll and her head arches back. She's killing me with the sounds she's making. She says my name over and over. _I love this and I_ _love her_. I love this woman. I realize it more and more and it is amazing.

It also scares me deep inside the core of my being.

I add a second finger, groaning as her walls stretch to make room. I slowly move my fingers in and out of her, her hips move towards my hand. I watch her face. Her beautiful lips quiver as she groans and moans. The pain grows in me. I slowly remove my fingers, taking care to cup and massage her. I have to be inside of her. I have to.

 _I have to own her_.

So I cover her body with mine. I don't want to crush her small amazing body so I use my arms to hold myself over her. She looks at me. Her eyes, I've never seen her _look_ at me that way.

I realize that I'm controlling her as much as she's controlling me.

I feel her legs wrap around me.

She looks up at me.

"Please Ben" she gasps, her words come out of her mouth long and low, grinding her hips on mine. My cock is nestled between her lips, causing me to almost go insane.

I grab her chin with one hand, making her look at me. I want her to be my possession. I have to hear her say it.

"I want you. I've always wanted you. From the beginning I've needed you. I've belonged to you since the beginning. Now I want you to be mine. Tell me you are mine, Rey. Tell me"

"I've always been yours. I'm yours, Ben Solo, forever"

I bury myself into her slowly, so as to help her become accustomed to me. I also need to slowly feel her become mine, to feel her take me, heart, body and soul. We are now so very loud. It's beyond anything I've ever imagined.

Her nails dig into my back as her heat expands for me. I'm sure I feel blood on my skin. I love it.

 _I'm making her mine. Finally_.

I reach a barrier inside of her and whisper to her, "Rey, this may hurt," my forehead pressed against hers.

She is looking into my eyes, her body trembling.

"Do it fast Ben."

She shouldn't have said that. I can't stop. I plunge into her, too hard, too fast.

She hollers out in pain.

 _Shit_.

"Are you okay?" I whisper.

Her fiery green eyes open and she stares into my soul, wild, on fire.

 _On fire for me. She likes me inside of her_.

Now I'm shaking, holding back the urge to thrust again. It's killing me.

"Yes Ben, I do like you inside of me. I _love_ you inside of me."

She moans.

She lights a dangerous fire. I thrust again. Her hips come up and she rolls against me.

I lose control and she did it. She made me lose control. I thrust again and again.

I literally see stars. I knew she would feel good but _damn_. She hollers my name. I groan hers. She moves her hips in sync with mine. She's making love to me as much as I'm making love to her. I didn't know she knew how to do this. Move with me like this. She lets go with one hand and slides it towards mine, looking in my eyes. She grasps my hand in her hand, intertwining her fingers with mine.

She speaks across the bond, into my soul.

_I'll take your hand now, Ben._

_She finally took my hand._

"I belong to you, Rey," I whisper into her ear.

She thrusts her hips upward at mine, seductively grinding at my body with slight wiggles as she groans, moans and gasps. I lose my mind moving inside of her, wishing I could go faster.

Our bodies become one machine. She's gasping my name over and over. This name I hated, now I want her to say it forever. I want to say hers but I can't. I'm aware I can hurt her. I'm trying not to. Part of me wants to. I'm holding back, letting her decide the rhythm of our love-making.

I don't know how much time passes. Time just stops as we move with each other, slower, enjoying our rhythm.

Then her heat is building around me with slight fluttering on my cock. She buries her face in my neck, holding onto me for dear life.

She suddenly gasps loudly, throwing her head back. She's not breathing. _Come on_ _babe, breathe_. I see her pulse racing in her arched neck and kiss it, feeling it throb against my lips. She takes a deep breath. I feel her walls tighten around me.

I growl deep inside my soul as she possesses me in a way I'd only dreamed of.

_She's climaxing. I'm doing this to her, making her body react to me._

I didn't realize this could happen but she gets hotter, wetter. She's throbbing inside, clenching me tighter.

She screams my name. Not in anger or fear, like in the nightmares I'd had where she hated me.

She screams my name in passion, in wanting me, in her desire for me, the last one who deserves to make love to her.

It's everything I can do not to lose control.

So I do.

I spill myself into her, forever marking her.

_She is finally mine._

I am also hers and forever will be.

My head spins. Surely I'm dead. But no, my heart is beating in my ears. I'm gasping like I've run a race. She is too. She is all I ever needed.

Her body is my new kingdom.

We lay there, panting, shaking, our bodies wet from sweat.

I don't want to crush her so I slide off of her but I don't let go. I pull her with me. Her forehead pressed against mine, breathing in her breath.

I try to make eye contact with her but her eyes are looking down.

She won't look at me. Did I do something wrong? Is she mad at me? The thought of that scares me to my core.

What has she done to me?

She's reduced me to a puddle.

She starts turning her back to me. I won't let her. I grab her chin again.

I tip her face up towards mine. She's blushing. Why?

"Rey, what's wrong?" I ask, desperate.

"Nothing Ben. Nothing is wrong. What just happened to me? What did you do to me?"

Shit, I'd hurt her. Dammit.

"I'm sorry. I tried not to hurt you"

"Ben, I know. I loved it. I love you. I don't know why I did that. I couldn't be quiet and I couldn't stop moving"

"You love me?"

She just looks at me with those beautiful eyes, bewildered by my question.

"Rey, you said you loved me, do you?"

"With my entire being, Ben"

It was like everything I'd ever wanted had just happened. Her words felt as good as what we had just done. Not only was her body mine but now her heart too.

_I can finally tell her._

"I love you too Rey. I am so in love with you. I have been for a long time. I just didn't realize it at first"

I continue, "Rey, please don't ever be quiet and please please move like that, I loved it"

"I'm embarrassed. I didn't think I'd react that way. It was like I couldn't help it. I was screaming your name"

She looks down again, embarrassed.

I tilt her head up again.

"I know. Don't be embarrassed, please. It's me. Rey, I don't understand everything that just happened but I'll do everything I can do make you do that again. I need to hear you. My Gods Rey please oh please let me hear you."

I do explain what I know about what our bodies did.

"And that will happen every time?" She asks me.

"Yes"

She groans loudly.

"Then we should do this more often"

This just seems too good to be true.

"Rey, you want to do this again? You want to make love to me again?"

"Yes, Ben. Do you want to?"

"Oh my Gods, yes Rey"

Her smile lights up the room.

I kiss her nose. I plan to make love to her many, many times. _Forever_.

"I liked you calling me sweetheart," she says, still blushing.

"I liked you hollering my name"

She blushes even deeper and giggles, a sweet soft little giggle that I've never heard before, smiling that smile I'd dreamed of seeing. I never knew she could look more beautiful but damned if she did. _I'll do anything, everything to make her happy. I_ _need_ _her_. It's a scary feeling. Terrifying. I feel so weak but the fact that I just made this strong creature moan my name makes me feel more powerful than that damned mask ever did.

I ask her again.

"Are you really mine now, Rey? Say you are"

"I always have been yours"

_I want her again._

She blushes. I've never seen her so vulnerable. How can she be so shy yet so strong?

She grasped my hand in hers.

"Ben, how did you know to use your fingers like that, inside of me?"

I groan at the memory.

"Well how did you know to use your tongue on me like that?"

We both realize it was just instinct, we just knew how to please each other.

"Rey, you've never orgasmed. You never used your hand on yourself?"

She blushes again, her eyes looking away from mine.

"Not until I met you"

The image of Rey touching herself, thinking of me washes over my brain. 

_Fuck._

I thought about it I just didn't want to. Not until I met you. When I touched myself I thought about you but my hands never did what yours just did"

_Maker, help me....._

"Why....why me? Why then?"

Her eyes sweep down my body and then back up.

"I'd never seen a man look as good as you do. You're the most handsome man I've ever seen"

My head spins slightly. I remember all of the girls at the Academy making fun of me. My ears, my nose, everything. They called me ugly.

"I love your ears and your nose Ben. They were fools. You are hot." With this last statement she giggles again and I fight the overwhelming urge to fuck her brains out. I want to make this woman come over and over simply because she likes my ears.

"I like that idea too," she whispers.

My erection has returned.

"I'm clearly going to have to hide my thoughts from you, sweetheart. Some stuff I think up might scare you"

"You don't scare me. Not since the beginning"

My cock softens as I want to go hide under a rock somewhere.

_Oh I've fucked up so bad. So horribly bad._

I lean over her and cup her face in my hand.

"Rey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I attacked you. I'm sorry I froze you. I'm sorry I took you and interrogated you. I'm so fucking sorry"

I'm crying, my eyes shut, afraid to open them.

"I'm not sorry Ben"

I open my eyes, "What?"

"If none of that had happened, you wouldn't be here. The emperor would've taken over the universe. I'd probably be dead. I don't regret any of it"

My lips crash into hers and she wraps her arms and one leg around me. Her skin feels amazing. My body comes alive and I'm trying desperately not to spread her legs and plunge back inside of her. It's too soon for her.

"I love you Rey. I'm so in love with you"

"I love you too Ben"

I have to know something. I lean down and nuzzle her neck. She smells so _good_.

I nibble her earlobe and whisper in her ear, "Did you ever think about me inside of you? Say yes."

She blushes again, "Yes"

"Well dammit, I wish I had force connected to you when you did. I would've left the dark side immediately"

"Well dammit now you tell me"

Her giggles are the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I'll do anything, say anything to hear it again.

I smile and tease her, "I never knew I could control you like I did. Bad ass Jedi Rey moaning my name"

She looks me right in the eye, "I think its the other way around"

_She's damned right about that._

I fall backwards, pulling her up on top of me. I just cannot let go of her.

She slides down and starts kissing my chest, running her delicious tongue around my nipple.

She slides back up my body, pushes me back, leans over me and smiles. She lazily kisses me, using her tongue again, running her hand all over my body.

She reaches down and takes me in her hand, stroking slowly.

Her shyness is gone. I feel her smile against my neck.

Her newfound boldness makes me growl out loud. It takes everything in me not to make love to her again. She needs to wait because it will really hurt. She doesn't even know that.

She also doesn't know that I won't hold back if I am inside of her right now. I did before, just now. I won't be able to again.

I have to get away from her before I don't care if I hurt her. I go to finish the shower I had started earlier. My head is spinning with what just happened.

_I never would have thought...._

_I'm so tired. But I'm so relaxed_. I've never felt this feeling. I go back to the bed and find her asleep on her stomach. Beautifully asleep, completely nude, uncovered, in my bed. It's the first time I've actually seen her bare ass.

 _It's perfect_. Like the rest of her.

I must be dreaming.

I lay down next to her, gently turning her body towards me, partly because I want her face to face with me, mostly because if I keep looking at her delicious ass, I'll lose control and take her. And she needs to sleep.

I pull the blanket over both of us. She sighs in her sleep.

I love this, holding her, as much as making love to her. Damn I don't even recognize myself.

I've never slept so deeply.

During the night she rolls over, her back to me. She snuggles closer. Feeling that bare ass rubbing against me, I roll her over and we make love again. We are a bit more confident in ourselves and each other. I don't know how but we know how to move, how to touch. I wonder if she's using the force to read my mind. I don't care anymore. I've never felt so happy.

I love her so much.

We fall asleep again.

In the morning I wake up and reach for her.

_She's gone. Where is she? No! Don't tell me it was a dream. I'll die if it wasn't real._

No, I smell her scent on the sheets.

_Did someone take her? Did she realize what she's done and leave?_

I whisper her name, desperate, fear overwhelming me.

Then I shout it, heart racing.

"Ben, I'm in here."

_Oh, there she is. Oh Maker, thank you. I don't deserve it but thank you._

She's in the 'fresher. It's real. She's real. What we did was real. I go to her, lift her up, tell her to wrap her legs around my waist and take her back to bed. I don't ask permission. I grab my cloak and wrap us in it, so she's not cold.

I whisper into her ear everything I'm going to do to her body. She giggles that giggle that now owns my heart.

_I have to own her again._

She doesn't push me away. She wants me. I can feel how incredibly wet she is. For me.

I'm rougher this time, thrusting deeper than before as she screams my name over and over. My fear that she was gone became overwhelming lust for her. My mind is all over the place, crazy drunk by my old desire for her and awareness that she's finally mine.


	4. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His fear manifests....

"I'm hungry"

Rey says this as she traces his chest with her fingers. The sheer feeling of her fingertips on his skin drives him wild. He grabs her hand to stop her before he takes her _again_.

_I've got to slow down before I kill us both._

He's hungry too, which frustrates him. He doesn't want to eat he wants to make love to her again. 

While he's completely in love with her naked body, he cannot help but notice that she is skinny. _Too_ skinny. She has never ate much in her life and it shows.

_Well she's going to eat now, damn it._

She stands and starts wrapping that ugly as hell fabric around herself. He hates that fabric. He can't see her body in it.

He's not sure what to do. He's never had to go "get" food.

_Damn, I'm spoiled as hell and she's worked so hard for everything._

He aimed to change both.

They'd seen a marketplace nearby. Somehow she had money. Ben starts dressing.

"Ben, you have to stay here."

"Rey, you aren't going alone, I'm going."

"Ben, you don't understand. People could recognize you. You have a very, um, distinctive look. People might know who you are."

"Rey, I can take care of us."

"Ben, no. I said no."

"DON'T TELL ME NO SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!!"

He had shouted at her but the woman was never afraid of him. He never knew what to do with that. 

She was never afraid of Kylo because to her, he wasn't Kylo. He was always Ben. She always knew he was Ben. He had hated it then but now he loves it. He loves that she saw right through him. 

He looks at her as her face transforms to pure anger. 

"Ben Solo don't you EVER raise your voice at me unless I'm making love to you!"

Okay, that made him smile. He's instantly calmer. How did she do that?

"Rey, I'm afraid. I hate saying that. But I'm trying to be real with myself and you. I'm afraid, okay?"

She walks over, reaches up and pushes his hair back. She runs her fingers through all the way to the back of his neck. Then she slowly caresses his skin with her fingertips.

_I've got to tell her to stop doing that, it feels too good. It's like some button she's learned to push that slows my mind down._

_It's like she knows exactly how to calm me_ _down_.

She looks up at him. He is a goner for her eyes.

"You forget who I am. I'm a Jedi, remember? I can take care of myself. I need you. I need you every day. But I'm capable. Part of the reason how I'm capable is because of what you taught me"

"I don't remember training you"

She laughs.

"Not training me. Trying to kill me, okay? I learned because I had to keep Kylo from killing me"

He pulls her close, immediately hard again as soon as her body touches his. Trying to have conversation with her is going to be so difficult because he'll just get hard and want her again. He cannot _not_ touch her. He's gone too long not able to.

_Slow down Ben. Just focus, damn._

"Let me explain something to you woman. He never ever tried to kill you. He controlled me, yes, but he loved you. Do you know that? Kylo Ren loved you. As much as I do. And somehow we agreed that we would never hurt you. I had to keep YOU from killing HIM. You almost did, remember? It took the earth splitting to stop you"

He laughs because he actually just realized this. Kylo never told Ben to kill her. It was like a silent agreement they'd had.

Kylo killed Snoke for her. _Both_ of them killed Snoke for her.

And with that, Ben decided he'd never refer to Kylo as himself again. He is dead. Kylo Ren is dead. 

She looked confused and hurt.

"You don't think I'm a good fighter?"

He realizes she wants his approval. This is strange. No one has ever cared what he thought.

"Rey, you are a Jedi. Trained in the ways of the force by Luke Skywalker and my mother. But you must know, your training isn't complete. That's why when I watched you battle after I killed Snoke, I was terrified. Sweetheart, you still have much to learn"

She looks up at him and asks,

"Will you finish my training?"

She doesn't know what that does to him. To know that she has confidence in him. That she thinks he has something to offer her.

"Yes Rey, I can do that"

"Ben, you and I are a dyad. We are one in the force. Our souls and now our bodies are bound together. You don't remember that I passed you a saber with the force?"

Then she smiles so big. 

"Its like you are my Force Husband"

Ben laughs loudly. She makes him so happy. She's so damn cute. He kisses her cheek.

_Nine. There's nine freckles on that cheek. Six on her nose._

"Well, we will have to complete that one day, force wife."

She looks up with those eyes.

"That's the first time you've said 'we' about us."

"Well, we _are_ us. I love you."

She giggles like a schoolgirl and kisses him again, standing on her tiptoes.

"I love you too, Ben Solo. And if you dont let me leave I'm going to rip those clothes off your amazing body and then I'll pass out from hunger"

Her words sink in.

"You like my body?"

"Last night should answer that question"

Her nose crinkles with a thought she's having.

"I have a question of my own. That night when we force connected. Why were you shirtless?? That was unfair as hell. I couldn't think straight for days"

He throws his head back and laughs hard.

"Well maybe I was hoping you'd reciprocate"

"You wish"

"I did wish"

With that she left. He paces.

_What if she is kidnapped? What if she comes to her senses and leaves me?_

_I won't force connect. I will trust her. I will trust her love._

When she returns he can breathe again.

She has bought them both new clothing because they have nothing except the ones on their backs.

He looks at his new clothes. They aren't black.

Suddenly she appears in a flowy white dress and spins.

He has to sit, his knees weak. 

"What do you think? A lady hand made it"

_Oh Maker, the woman is stunning._

She has to stop doing this to him if he's to ever get anything accomplished other than making love to her constantly.

_She looks like a Queen. My Queen._

"Um....wow.....I didn't know you liked, um, flowy things. Rey, you are beautiful"

"Ben, I'm a woman. It's not like I could scavage or battle in a dress. But yes, I love dresses and jewelry and flowy things"

"Dully noted," he says, tapping his head with one finger, filing that in his memory. He cannot wait to lavish her with every frilly girly thing he can find.

He wants her so badly. That thing looks easy to take off. But she's hungry.

He watches her dive into her food and somehow even that's sexy to watch.

"Me eating is sexy?"

"Rey, everything you do is sexy."

"You are so silly, Ben"

"Well there's something I've never heard before."

He somehow manages to eat without pulling that dress off of her.

_But as soon as she finishes, it's coming off._

_~*~_

Every time she leaves she's gone even longer than the last time. It seemed she had made a new friend, a lady at the market. She made the dress that Rey had stunned him in. Rey made friends very easily. He was glad for her. He had always been a loner. Until her.

He hated being alone with his thoughts now, without her. He would sit on the balcony and focus on the lake below and the forest beyond, trying not to worry.

One day he slips out of their room and walks to the water. He has not seen a lake in years. The name of the lake is Leiliana. It is so peaceful. There is a beach that ends at the forest line. He keeps walking. It is beautiful here. He remembers the last time he was in a forest. That was the first time he battled Rey. It was painful to think about. But she had told him to try and push past the bad memories to the good. He remembers how he'd swung his saber to block hers. He knew he wasn't really trying to kill her. He was trying to stay alive. He remembered being fascinated by her fighting abilities. Who was this girl? He smiles. He called her a girl back then. He was wrong. She was a woman. He was trying to take Luke's saber. It flew past him, hitting him. He turned and this girl, this woman had the saber! He thought to himself back then, well I'll be damned. She's a jedi. Hell, she's a pretty one too.

That was good battle, pretty hot in his opinion.

"And I totally got my ass kicked," he says out loud to himself and laughs. He touches his face. She had healed his scar. And now she's healing his soul.

He already wanted her, even back then. He didn't know he loved her yet. He wanted a partnership with her "ruling the galaxy", whatever that meant, rolling his eyes. He didn't even know what he was talking about back then he just wanted to be with her, in any way possible.

He stops walking. Wait. He HAD gotten what he wanted. On her terms, of course. He laughs again.

She was right. The past didn't have to be painful. He also feels the force is there, reaching for him.

He ignores it.

Just as quickly as the laugh came from him, the fear returns.

_I need to go back, I need to make sure she's safe._

The thought that she isn't fills his mind. The ultimate fear. Losing her, losing his Dyad, his Rey. Like Anakin did. The thoughts feel like a familiar monster, invading him. It actually hurts and he feels the urge to explode. An old feeling.

He literally runs back to her.  
  



	5. Explore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the training begin! They make an interesting discovery in the forest....😏

He returned to the same forest with her the next day and for many days after. It was a beautiful place far from civilization.

He had to know she could completely take care of herself. He taught her how to fight better, smarter. To have even more confidence in her abilities. He wanted to finish what his uncle started. He still had not come to terms with Luke. He was no longer angry at him though. There was not peace between them, only a quiet stillness. He preferred to only think of the fun they'd had together. Not only during training but when they would play chess. Luke said chess was good training but Ben just liked beating him. His uncle was a good man. But he was a man. A man who had made mistakes. Ben had made many more mistakes. But training Rey, he hoped Luke was watching. He hoped somehow it helped.

But he couldn't show her how to connect better with the force. He told her she was on her own there. Leia had taught her all she needed to know anyways.

She was improving. He watched her passion when they trained and he remembered the times they battled each other. He remembered when they defeated Snoke's troops. Rey had told him that The Force would replace the bad memories with the good. He didn't want to believe in The Force anymore. Regardless, it was still happening. It was getting easier to move past bad memories. Except at night in his dreams. He had not told her of his nightmares. He would wake up scared, searching for her. Then he'd see her there, sleeping. He'd hold her and hear her heartbeat and feel peace.

She was growing wise in the force without his help. He somehow knew she communicated with Luke, but they didn't talk about it.

He was no longer reminded of how he hurt her. He was more Ben each passing day, less Kylo. He was impressed with Rey. She was good. She had saved his life that day on Kef Bir. She now saved his life every day.

He hoped he could be the man she deserved.

She got to a point in her training when he knew that she was finished. But he didn't want to stop. Being out here in the forest, watching her bite that bottom lip as she battled him, he wasn't ready to end it yet. So he just kept taking her out there to the forest.

Besides, they had discovered a secluded waterfall. Skinny dipping was a great way to cool off after training. And when the lagoon gave them a chill, they'd make love to warm up.

The training must continue, he thought with a smile.

They loved how as time went on, they were more comfortable with each other. At night they were tender but passionate. He never quit being in awe of her body. And she never stopped thinking he was hot as hell. The passion was off the charts.

He watched her body in his bed. He knew she wanted him. He leaned down and kissed her mouth. He wanted to kiss all of her. Her entire body. He was so nervous, shaking, there was something he'd wanted to do for a while. He gently kissed her neck, her breasts, her stomach, her belly button. He moved his mouth down her body until he got to the spot he craved. She made a new sound, like a whimper cry and instinctively pulled away from the unfamiliar, confused. He grabbed her hips and pulled her back. This was going to happen.

He buried his face in her. His heart was racing. He had to maintain control. His tongue touched her. Her taste drove him insane, he wasn't expecting that. He grabbed her thighs and yanked them apart, wrapping his arms around them. He couldn't stop. He wanted to please her. He underestimated what this would do to him. He knew where she liked to be stroked with his finger, so his tongue went there. His tongue moved up and down her folds, around the nub that always made her scream when he stroked it. The sounds she made. He heard her say "Ben Ben Ben BEN", thrusting her groin up at him over and over. He moved with her, never taking his mouth off of her. The half-drunk thoughts he had were of how amazingly sexy she was as she grabbed his hair with both hands.

She began to climax, he could feel her walls clenching and throbbing inside of her with his fingers. He was torn between continuing this or making love to her. He suddenly couldn't help it. He had to be inside of her. He loved it when her body grabbed him tighter. She was a drug. What they did to each other was as huge as the galaxy they saved. He didn't know if all couples were like this or if was because of what they were but somehow he knew their connection was unlike any other human couple. She was his Queen. As he crawled up her sweat covered body, she still had both hands in his hair, pulling it. This always drive him wild.

He grabbed her hips.

But first he had to hear it. He needed to hear it.

"Say you're mine Rey. Say it. Tell me"

She looked into his eyes, into his soul.

"I'm yours forever, Ben Solo"

He thrust inside of her, watching her face and moaning her name. They moved together as one, like a wave. They sometimes kissed but mostly they'd lock eyes as they melted together, into each other.

The nights were indeed when their souls connected along with their bodies. They didn't want the sun to rise. They didn't always make love. They would connect in a way that was just as deep. They'd talk until they fell asleep in each others arms.

One night, he began to shake in his sleep. He had his back to her and she touched him. He cried out. She couldn't understand what he was saying.

He was having a nightmare.

She rolled him over and called out his name. Over and over. He would not wake up. He was sweating all over. His muscles were tense.

This shook her with fear

She was tempted to go into his mind and pull him out. She knew this was the Dark Side tormenting him. She touched his brow and heard the chaos in his mind. Deep, evil voices calling his name, whispering terrible things to him. That she was in danger!

She came out of his mind quickly. She was not strong enough to pull him out. All she could do was try to wake him. She knew he was not in danger physically.

She began to kiss his face, stroke his hair. Pour her love into him. Their love was strong enough. She kept whispering his name over and over, telling him that she was here. That she was safe with him.

Then he was awake, panting, gasping for air. All he could do was holler her name. His eyes were wide with fear.

He realized she was there. He grabbed her body and pulled her to him. He put his head on her chest, between her breasts. He could hear her heart beating.

Suddenly he ripped her gown apart, down the front where the buttons were. He wanted her. He needed her. Her breasts were exposed to him. He bit her nipple then sucked viciously. Her body was his medicine.

The sex was very rough. It hurt. But something about it, she didn't hate. It was like he was a lion and she was his tamer. She couldn't even think. One second she was afraid, one second was ecstasy. They never took their eyes off of each other.

Afterwards, she just laid there. She wasn't sure why he did that. She could feel enormous fear in him at first but then during, it just left. Then he was her Ben again.

She was surprised that she liked it. Yet glad it had not happened earlier in their relationship. She could not have handled it.

He never said a word. He passed out in exhaustion.

She held him and didn't go back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just thought him training her how to fight better was so romantic.  
> Anyone who saw the movies could see that they liked saber fighting each other.
> 
> I love how they explore each other's bodies. More on that later on 😜😜😜
> 
> I couldn't write him being punished for his sins. But I also know he should be. I definitely think he was brain washed. So now that he's back to his true self, of course he'd punish himself. Not that I've killed people but I know that no one can punish me worse than I punish myself. The nightmares are the punishment. She is the only medicine he wants. And I see him as a violent lover.


	6. The Market

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben finally goes out in public with her and gets pissed off. Don't mess with his Rey.
> 
> Oh and Ben realizes the vigorous ways of a 21 year old woman.

He laid atop her, deep inside. He loved watching her face, her eyes burning for him.

"Ben" she dragged his name out, sending shockwaves through him every time she said his name.

"Do you like it Rey? Do you like me inside of you?"

"Yes! Oh Ben...yes....every time. I love you inside of me"

"You are always so damn tight Rey...."

"For you Ben. For you. Oh! That's it! Don't stop....please don't stop"

He surely never wanted to but she was exhausting him. He couldn't believe how incredibly vigorous she was. She wanted to make love for hours. She was much younger, nine years younger and he could _tell._

He was trying with every bit of strength in him not to crush her but his arms were giving out.

"Rey...baby I am wearing out. Woman you are killing me"

"Oh okay"

Her face made him feel awful. He never thought he'd ever need to take a break from her amazing body. And then he felt her muscles clench around him and the utter moan that came from her as she ground her hips into him and stars be damned, he wasn't going to disappoint her.

"Rey....hold on to me. Trust me, okay?"

"I always trust you"

He wraps his aching arms around her and rolls over to his back, moving her to settle on his hips. He'd not even pulled out and as she sank down they both illicit sounds neither one had ever made before. This time he was the one throwing his head back. Damn this was _amazing._

"OH FUCK BEN!" She screamed.

He felt it too. He was deeper inside her than ever and Maker he almost came then and there. He somehow stopped himself, using a bit of the force to do it. He had to see her come. He could really watch her now and he _really_ liked watching her.

She was so overwhelmed she couldn't move. She couldn't talk either. She could only gasp and pant, which he enjoyed taking her breath away.

_I don't know what to do Ben._

He couldn't talk either.

_You can move just like I do._

He felt her gather her courage, her whole body shaking as she rose up slowly and slid back down his cock.

He'd never groaned so loudly, grabbing her thighs. The muscles in her legs _did_ things to him. She was perfectly toned from her hard days climbing inside old starships.

"Like....ugh...that....do it again....PLEASE"

Then the most wicked look gleamed in her bright green gold eyes. She smiled.

_Oh Fuck_

She began to ride him like she had lost her mind. Her hands roamed over his abs and his chest and he had to try very hard not to bruise her thighs with his fingertips. He'd unleashed a wild woman.

_Oh now I can play with your chest. Oh I love your chest so much Ben....._

He watched her, pure lust radiating from her face. He could not believe how sexy she was, staring into his eyes, a knowing look on her face. She knew _exactly_ how to drive him insane.

She brought sounds out of him that he never knew anyone could make.

Then she surprised herself as her own orgasm overtook her body.

_Ben!!! Oh Gods Ben!!_

She was unable to move so he took over, thrusting up into her, trying so hard not to hurt her.

_Quit holding back Ben._

That was too much. Yet just right. He pounded into her as she came, her wetness pooling out and he could _see it,_ the sight pulling his seed out of him as he came harder than he ever had in his life. She made _him_ holler this time.

After he became silent he opened his eyes to his Rey, quite proud of herself, grinning at him. She then laid down, her cheek resting on his chest and sighed, content. She giggled.

"Did I do good?"

He rolled to his side, taking her with him. She let out a little yelp.

"Holy Fuck woman. Yes, oh yes...."

He kissed her as she giggled again.

_I liked watching you, Ben. Is that how you feel when you watch me?_

_Yes but I don't gloat about it._

He nipped at her neck right where he had previously found a delicious ticklish spot. She laughed out loud.

"Imagine me, little Rey from Jakku making the Ben Solo scream _my_ name out loud"

"You little minx" he whispered in her ear, tickling her ribs. He was glad to feel that she was putting on a bit of much needed weight. He'd seen that her hips were filling out. That _did_ things to his mind, those amazing hips.

"How do you know these things Ben? You've never been with anyone...."

He felt her insecurity. That would not do.

"Rey, I didn't lie to you. You are the only woman I've ever touched. Ever wanted to touch"

"I know, you just know a _lot._ Like when you wrapped my legs around your neck and when you just did one leg and...."

"Shhhhh....damn baby stop....you are making me horny again. You are killing me"

He rolled onto his stomach hoping she would just let him _rest._

"Men onboard the dreadnoughts, they brag. They'd just fuck and brag about it"

"What did you do when they did?"

"Lie..."

"Well," she had that wicked look again, "you don't have to now"

He sat up, gathering her up into his arms.

"Rey, I'd never talk about you like that. You aren't some slut. You are mine. You are too special to _brag_ about. You aren't some conquest. You are my Rey"

"I swear if I wasn't exhausted I'd give you the orgasm of your life right now just for those words. I'm your Rey?"

He swept her hair back, counting her freckles again. 23. In all, 23 beautiful little freckles scattered over her cheeks and nose. And he loved each one.

"You are"

"You're my Ben"

Force, he loves this woman....

"Every day you sweep me away even more Rey. Every day. I love you"

"I love you too"

They settled into each other, holding each other until they both passed out.

He was well on his way to death by sex and he couldn't be happier.

~*~

He watched her cook for them. He had never learned how. She had always cooked inside the old abandoned AT-AT that was her home. He physically hurt when he learned that she was homeless. What he would give to go back in time.

He asked her how she knew how to cook. She looked at him, surprised.

"Ben, we didn't all grow up with servants"

"Teach me"

So she did. He was a natural. So he started cooking for them more and more. He felt more like a real man when he knew he could feed her. One day he'd learn more. He'd take care of her.

She loved to watch him learn things. "Be a real man", like he'd say. He was more man than any man she'd known. And sexy as hell shirtless over a stove.

She soon felt safer about him going to market with her. He knew he was safe. He could kill ten men with one force move. It was the only thing he was confident in. That and making Rey moan his name.

He went with her to the market. She picked up an apple and the owner grabbed her wrist. He almost force choked him but instead he just punched him, breaking the bastard's nose. Wow, that actually felt better than a force choke. Who knew?

She was angry at him. He could not understand this woman! What did he do wrong? They went home quickly. She turned on him.

"Ben you can't do that!! I was wrong. I know that owner doesn't like people to touch the fruit. He's told me before! You are going to expose us!"

"Why are you protecting him? Fuck his rules!"

"I'm not protecting him I'M PROTECTING US. Ben, I could've handled him. I have before"

"HE'S DONE THIS BEFORE?  
You are MY wife! I'll kill him!"

He stormed towards the door to do just that. This scared her. He'd expose them.

She grabbed him with the force and pulled him backwards, using a jedi move. He was stunned. He had forgotten how powerful she was.

He was so angry. He went to the bedroom and slammed the door. He was shaking.

He had just seen the thing he was most afraid of. Someone hurt her. Someone dared touch his Rey.

She came in the room quietly. She hoped she had not hurt him. She never wanted to hurt him again. Truth be told, she was impressed. That owner was a jerk and HER man put him on the ground. It actually turned her on.

But she was scared. They had been lucky so far and if they were discovered, she could lose her dream. She'd die with him because she knew the galaxy would pay if someone hurt her.

She was beginning to realize the dark side was still here, waiting to consume him, haunting his dreams. If she was discovered to be his lover, The First Order would come after her. And he would burn it down.

He was sitting on their bed. She crawled up behind him. Leaned his head back and laid it between her breasts. He always calmed when he heard her heartbeat. They stayed there awhile. She apologized for getting angry. He thought to himself, wow, this is new. Her apologizing.

She checked his neck. Of course she didn't ask if he was okay. His pride was shot down enough. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"You know, you said something in there"

He had been so angry he didn't know what he'd said. 

"You called me your wife"

"I did?"

"Yes Ben, you said he won't touch my wife"

"Well, he won't"

"Ben, I'm not your wife"

"I know but sometimes I forget"

She walked away, shaking her head.

"Shit"

He knew he had fucked up. He should have already asked her to be his wife.

He had thinking to do. Not about if he would ask her, but how. And when. And where.

She deserved to have her dreams come true and he aimed to do just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What woman doesn't love a man cooking for her? Lol
> 
> Now that he's fully Ben, he takes no pleasure in her being a scavenger.
> 
> I love thinking of them just doing regular couple stuff, like cooking and shopping and reading together. They both deserve a normal life. 
> 
> He is fiercely protective of her. Drives her crazy but she loves it. He easily forgets when she kicked his ass.
> 
> I love the fact that her heartbeat soothes him. Calms him. There's a reason for that. Read on to find out.


	7. The Lake

He somehow managed to sneak to the market without her.

He glared at the fruit guy as he passed by him. He could tell the man was intimidated. He smirks. 

_At least I've still got that going for me._

To him, she was already Rey Solo. Not Rey from Jakku. Sure as hell not Rey Skywalker. 

He went to meet the friend she had made. The one she refused to let him meet. He thought it was so funny why she didn't want them to meet.

Apparently her friend thought he was "hot".

She said her friend was prettier than her. He couldn't believe Rey was jealous. There was simply no other woman for him in all the galaxies.

He had come to tell her his plan to ask Rey to be his wife. He needed advice on what ring she'd want. He really wished he could give her Leia's ring. It had to be on Anja Kloss. Maybe one day....

Her friend showed him a ring she had been pawning over.

She knew that Rey had dreamed of a proposal on the Lake named Leilani. He knew she loved that lake. She would drink her coffee every morning gazing at it from their balcony, dreaming of their future.

That's a great idea, he'd propose on the lake.

Her friend knew of a boat.

He thanked her and she said to him "Do not break her heart, Ben Solo". Ben sensed something. Was this woman force-sensitive?

"I won't," he promises, "not anymore."

He had asked her to wear that first dress he'd seen her in. He loved that dress. Surprising her on at the beach with the boat, they set off.

He didn't know what to say to her. There weren't enough words to tell her how he felt about her.

He wanted to tell her how she'd become his galaxy. His sun. His moons. This stubborn "girl" that he was supposed to kill, she now killed him every night when she touched him. The girl was gone and she was now a woman. His woman. He wanted to say all this but he'd never really told her. Not that way. He'd told her he loved her. But making a speech? He didn't know if he could do it.

She was so happy. She knew he had it in him but she never thought he'd be so romantic. She loved this lake. She'd already decided they would name their daughter after this lake.

He rowed out. She sat behind him, watching. Damn, she never realized rowing required all of the back muscles. That black shirt she used to hate was very thin.

_Whew, its warm out here._

He turned around and wondered why she was flushed, it was not warm out here. For a while they just floated. Watched the sunset and then the stars. She thought she saw Anja Kloss. She missed home and her friends.

He was reclined against her, his back on her chest. He loved being there with his head on her chest. He could hear her heartbeat. He listened to it and then he knew. He knew what to say.

He turned so he could see her. She looked down, a question on her face. He pressed his index finger to her lips so she wouldn't speak. She gently kissed it. He lost focus for a minute.

"Rey, do you know how I knew? How I knew I couldn't hurt you? I know you don't like to talk about when we met....."

"Ben...don't."

"I'm so sorry babe but I have to tell you. That day he was trying to get something from you"

"Ben...."

"Just....wait. You teased him about his helmet. So I took it off. I immediately could hear your heart beating. I was so mystified by you. I realized you were....something. I was trying to think but your heart beat was in my head. It was a distraction but deep down I liked it. I couldn't pull the map from you. You overpowered me, your heart pounding in my ears. Rey, I think that's when you became my dyad. Somehow I knew I'd hear that heartbeat in my dreams and I did. You haunted me. You still do. I know why the galaxy brought you to me. To heal it. We healed it. But why did you stay with me these past 6 months? I need you Rey. I'm sorry but you aren't a Skywalker. You aren't a Palpatine. You are a Solo. Your heart beats Solo"

Rey was crying. She'd never seen him like this. He usually stumbled over his words. He was so unsure of himself. But here he seemed so confident in who he was. Who she was. And she thought, that was it. She had felt a connection to him that day. It had made her so angry. She did like the effect she had on him though. He had passed his power to her, she suddenly realized. That was how she knew how to fight him with the Skywalker saber. How she knew how to force grab it. She acquired his training in the moment she invaded his mind.

He was right, that was it. That was when the dyad started.

He searched her face, she was deep in thought. She had no clue where he was headed. That made him smile. He liked having the upper hand.

He sat up and lifted her chin up to his face. He kissed her cute nose.

"You are Rey Solo, my wife, in my heart. But you deserve a proposal. There's so much you deserve"

He opened his hand. There was a thin band of gold with tiny diamonds around it. The one she had wanted! She gasped.

"Will you marry me?"

Now she couldn't breathe. Is this how she made him feel?

She nodded. She couldn't speak.

He beamed. He rarely beamed. It was beautiful. As he put it on her they were both shaking. By now it was very late. No one was in the marketplace. The resort was dark. They just laid there. Almost asleep. He was almost asleep between her breasts. Her heartbeat lulling him. He couldn't believe it. She said yes. She was going to be his forever. Then she lazily played with his hair and he was suddenly awake. She tipped up his face and lazily kissed him. He slid her down the pillows she was laying on. Finally he'd get that dress off of her.

They made love under the stars. The moons. It wasn't like before. It was slower, sweeter, more gentle. He still quit breathing and she did too as they came together, shushing each other's screams with kisses. He once again asked if she was his.

"Till death do us part, Ben Solo"

They fell asleep but thankfully woke up before daylight and redressed. He rowed back. She sat behind him, smiling, watching her future husband.

Interestingly enough, there was a wedding on the beach. Well, not a wedding. Just a bride and groom pledging their vows. They were alone. Rey and Ben looked at each other. He nodded towards the couple. It was so intimate.

_I like that. Just the two of them on the lake. What do you think?_

She smiled and nodded.

_Today. I want to be yours today Ben._

They went to their home, the room they loved. She made him wait there. For what, he didn't know. He found the red ribbon he had hidden from her.

She found her friend, Violet. She was surprised that her friend already knew. This friend had come to mean so much to her. The Force had told her that this woman would keep her secrets, this woman was force sensitive. Rey needed a female friend as she started this romance. She knew who Rey was. She knew who Ben was. She had helped guide Rey in her journey of love with Ben. She had been married. Her true love died. So she knew more than Rey did. Rey had asked her very private, sometimes embarrassing questions. Rey couldn't have made these past six months without her dear friend. She fixed Rey's hair, curling it and adding flowers. She then gave Rey the beautiful veil she had made for her. The woman was an artist. Rey so loved her work, that was how they'd become friends. The woman had sold her the white handmade dress. Which is what she was wearing today.

Rey had told Ben to meet her on the beach. And he did. He was so handsome. He had stopped to gather her favorite flowers. White lilies. She was so touched by his gesture.

She knew there was someone else there. Leia. He didn't know. He wanted it to just be them. She wanted Leia to see what he was now. He was her Ben first and she never saw Leia happier.

He was in a daze when he saw her. Her hair was curly, full of flowers. How did she do that so quickly? The veil made by her friend was nice too. He loved that dress on her. For many reasons, he thought with a smile.

How did he deserve this? He had been a monster. She'd said it herself. He had tried to hurt her, but not really. He had many chances back then. But why? Why was she here? How did he find her?

He pulled the ribbon from his pocket.

"What's that?"

"You know about my grandmother, Padme'. She wasn't my only grandmother. My adoptive grandmother was the Queen of Alderaan. Their wedding custom is that during the ceremony the bride and groom wrap their hands together with ribbon, symbolizing their coming together as man and wife"

Rey began to cry as he wrapped her arm and hand with the ribbon.

"Now you wrap it up my arm"

"Oh, oh Ben, I love it. This is beautiful"

She wrapped the ribbon to his elbow and looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. All he could think of was how beautiful she was.

"Look at me Rey"

"I am, Ben"

"No, really look at me. Do you see what you've done? You've single handedly ruined a man and saved another man, along with a galaxy. You set off with the intentions of finding me. Pulling me out. Killing what was killing me and you did it. I refuse to believe it was just to save the Resistance. You searched and found me. The real me. Through all the evil, the horrible things I said to you"

He pauses and his regrets wash over her like waves. She cups his cheek in her hand. 

"Oh Rey, I'm so sorry. I was sorry then too"

Then he continues.

"You are everything. My everything.  
So many people call you friend, hero, Jedi. But I call you mine. I need you Rey. You complete me. Will you please take my name? Be my wife? Have my babies? Stay with me?"

Tears poured out of her eyes, down her cheeks. He wiped them away. He bent to kiss her. She stopped him.

"No, not yet. That's at the end, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Well hurry"

"Hold on Mr. Solo, I've got things to say"

She bent over, setting her beautiful flowers on the ground. He had to bend with her as they were bound together.

She stood and took his face in her hand again.

"Ben. Oh wow you really are Ben now.  
I dreamed you would one day just be Ben. First off I forgive you. Do you know that? I do. I love you. I don't think any woman has ever loved any man like I love you. You are my soulmate. You felt my pain, my loneliness and you reached for me. I refuse to believe something too. I refuse to believe you wanted to pull me into the darkness. You just wanted me however you could get me. You think I only saved you? You saved me too, Ben. I was alone. Yes, I had friends but I needed more. I used to struggle every night not to call you to me. It was hell. Now I don't have to. You are here. You are mine. You always ask if I am yours. I will always be yours. So yes, I will take your name. I will be your wife. And yes, I want many black haired babies running around"

"Ben, do you want me? Will you be my husband?"

Ben pulled her to him, not caring who saw.

"Yes, Rey. I will"

They kissed deeply, sealing their vows.

She whispered in his ear "Now take me to bed before I assault you in public"

He laughed loudly, knowing she meant it.

He leans down and whispers against her lips.

"The ribbon is to be removed _while_ we consummate our marriage"

"Oh, that sounds _fun"_ she whispered, that wicked look in her eye again.

"Wait. I'm not finished, woman"

She looked up at him, confused, as he took her in his arms and looked down at her.

"I now pronounce us Ben and Rey Solo, Prince and Princess of Alderaan and Naboo"

Her eyes nearly fell out of her head.

"Wait, WHAT?"

He smiled.

"Well, you know my mother was Princess Leia"

It dawned on her as she whispered.

"Oh shit, I just married a _Prince_ "

He beamed at her.

"Yes you did, Princess Rey"

"No, no, no. I'm no material for a _Princess._ Not me"

"Yes you are and as a _Prince,_ I'm the one to make that decision and I knew it the moment I fell in love with you"

Her mouth had formed a little O and all the color drained from her face, only highlighting those gorgeous freckles he loves counting.

He bent, scooping her up, gathered her in his arms and carried her back to their little room they called home, their own little kingdom to find interesting ways to remove that ribbon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mrs Rey Solo. FINALLY
> 
> AND SHE'S A PRINCESS!!
> 
> By the way he's officially a Disney prince and my very favorite.
> 
> Yes the heartbeat in his ears is totally non-canon. He was clearly distracted during the interrogation. I invented my own reason why.


	8. Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding night for our sweeties....

On their wedding night Rey finds   
Ben sitting up in bed again, asleep. She came in the room and smiled. How could such a strong warrior be so gentle, so much more at peace each passing day?

She was more and more aware of her ability to tame this beast. She smiled. He was her husband. He's finally mine in every way. The thought filled her with lust for him.

She walked to the bed and straddled him, facing him. She ran her fingers thru his jet black thick hair.

Something isn't right when his hair is more luxurious than mine, she thought. I hope our children have his hair, she thought with a sigh.

He woke up to this beautiful feeling and was surprised to find her on top of him. He was instantly aware of her heat. He was immediately aroused.

_How does she just know what to do to me?_

He thinks about earlier when they charged into their room, him throwing her down on the bed. They took the time to unwind the ribbon, staring at each other silently. She stood.

"Close your eyes Ben"

He obeyed.

After hearing her dress go over her head she told him to open his eyes.

She stood before him wearing probably the laciest underthings he'd ever seen. Instead of her breastband she was wearing a lacy thing over her breasts. It was so thin he could see right through it, her nipples hard and waiting. Her panties were barely there.

Around her waist she had tied the red silky ribbon into a big bow.

His eyes grew wide.

"Now I can be your present"

He was speechless for a moment but then whispered "Holy Fuck"

He took much enjoyment removing the ribbon. With his mouth. He sunk lower and made her come with his tongue without even removing her panties. The lace rubbing on her clit was glorious friction. He loved her panties and vowed to find more, in every color.

She fairly wore him out earlier. He'd fallen asleep sitting up and now was been woken up with her in his lap.

Yep, his Princess was hell bent on killing him.

They kiss and he removes her sleeping gown. Thankfully there was nothing underneath.

He went to roll her over. She stopped him. She suddenly slid up his body and came down, taking him inside of her. He felt his heart skip and there were those same stars. This woman....

She was in complete control. Not only did he not move, he couldn't if he wanted to. She had him. Body and soul.

She grabbed his hips with her thighs, grinding faster and harder, moaning his name.

He wrapped his arms around her, gripping her rear with both hands. She gasped but refused to give him control. She was taming her beast a bit more.

She watched the muscles in his shoulders and arms tighten and roll over and over as he grasped her body. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her breasts against his chest so she could feel his muscles against her. She bit his earlobe. He growled and thrust up.

"No Ben, don't move, let me love you. Tell me you belong to me"

He grinned at her stealing his line

"I'm yours forever Rey Solo"

He felt her heat grip him tighter and moaned her name.

They then formed a rhythm where she came up and he quickly and roughly pushed her back down. She winced at the pain from his large size but couldn't stop. She didn't give much thought to why he wouldn't let her grind him and she slowly succumbed to him taking over, directing her body how to move.

He let go of her rear and moved his hand to the front of her. He slid his massive hand between their bodies and found her weakest spot. He began to stroke her. She began to gasp his name over and over. She felt him smile and realized he was enjoying this. He was taming his beauty right back.

The heat inside of her built as her walls clenched him in spasms.

As she climaxed he once again knew he couldn't hold back. He realized he'd never be able to. This was where he knew she also had him tamed.

He pushed her down again so he could watch her in the mirror across from the bed. It was something he'd noticed moments ago and the reason he wouldn't let her lift up. He had watched her make love to him and my God it was beautiful to watch. She was none the wiser. She completely relaxed into his body, exhausted. He wouldn't let go of her and closed his eyes. That was the last thing he remembered.

Hours later, she woke up from a deep sleep. They had worn each other out. She realized her face was buried in his neck. She was still on top of him. He had wrapped her in the most tender embrace. He was completely asleep, breathing deeply, his head on her shoulder. This was heaven. She felt his large body rise and fall with each breath. The muscles that were so hard and tense earlier now were relaxed and wrapped around her, in the most protective way. She knew he'd protect her from all harm.

This girl who had fought and scavaged and lived homeless, all alone most of her life, now had her own personal bodyguard. Who just happened to be the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy. And a Prince to boot, she thought with a sigh.

She'd destroy any enemy to keep him safe. She knew she could.

She felt pain and knew she had to get up. She gently kissed his neck and somehow unwrapped herself from his heavy arms.

_My goodness he's sleeping so hard._

She was glad to see such peace. The nightmares had left him alone this night. As she got up he moaned her name, not waking up. She covered him with their sheet.

She showered and came back to the bed. As she walked around to her side, she looked at him in the mirror still sitting up. She stopped.

That's why he wouldn't let rise up. He kept pushing her back down.

He had been watching her in the mirror. She realized that he had quit kissing her neck and mouth. She had tried to kiss him and he had whispered no to her.

She smiled at his cunning. She was slightly jealous that he could watch them make love but she couldn't. 


	9. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's fears ramp up. Rey has an idea.

The next night, something was different about him. She could feel it. She thought about connecting with him but no, if he wanted to talk, he would.

He sensed her thinking about connecting. He was glad she didn't.

His thoughts were troubling. He should be so happy. After all, she had his name now. He should feel peaceful. But no. Fear was there.

He felt helpless again, out of touch with himself.

He knew deep down that he needed to connect with The Force.

No, he was not going to change his mind. He didn't need it. He wanted to be normal.

The stress exhausted him. He passed out into a deep troubled sleep.

An hour later she woke to him shaking. Sweating. She did what she always did, comforted him. Connected with him in his mind to rescue him.

He did what he always did, semi-woke up needing her body. It was both terrifying and amazingly sensual at the same time.

She was scared but glad that her body soothed him. She didn't feel used. After all, his body was her medicine also. They fed off of each other, mentally, emotionally and physically.

She wished it was also spiritual, in The Force together. She wanted him to quit being so foolish about this.

As days turned into weeks, the bad nights happened about two nights a week. He didn't remember. He thought he'd dreamed making violent love to her, her wishing it would stop. It was a horrible dream. Mainly because, he liked the violent sex he dreamed of them having. Though, he would never do that to her, hurt her body for his own pleasure.

He noticed she wasn't engaging with him as much. He sensed pain in her body. She said she was fine, that he was imagining things. So he believed her.

In spite of the problems, they were very happy together.

They would have intimate conversations, laugh together, read together, cook, and even just have quiet between them as they were in the same room.

He could never let her get far away from him though.

He thought any minute now she will wise up and be gone. Or someone would take her away from him. When he visualized this his old anger would try to rage.

But she would pull him back just looking at him, like a magnet. He hid his deep fear from her. Or so he thought. She knew his thoughts.

He'd never really had anyone listen to him the way she did. And he'd never had anyone pour out her secrets and dreams like she did to him. She trusted him. He'd think, I love this more than making love to her. Then the night would come and he knew her body was his sanctuary. Those were the good nights.

A few nights later they were in bed. He never wore clothes to bed. He wished she didn't. He was sitting up in bed. She laid next to him.

He was reading a book she had picked up in the market. She thought he'd like it and he did. It seemed to her so strange to see him just read a book. He was clearly enjoying it. She smiled.

She was in too much pain to have sex. He had hurt her the night before, he didn't remember. But she still wanted him. A thought crossed her mind.

She had gotten bolder and more open with him. She loved that right there under that sheet was him. She reached out and ran her fingernails across the sheet. He dropped the book.

  
He could never get used to her touching him there. Every time she did that he thought he'd die again. He'd died a thousand deaths in her arms. So when she just lightly touched him he quit breathing. She pulled the sheet off.

She used to be afraid of him, his size. Everything about him was big. He was so tall and broad. It was a bit awkward until her body got accustomed to him. But now, he was her Ben and that was a part of him. Their bodies fit together perfectly.

"I have a question" she drags the words out, teasing his hardness with her fingernails.

All he could do was grunt. The woman still didn't realize what her touch did to him.

"You know how you put your mouth on me?"

He looked at her. Was she about to say.....

"What if I did that to you?"

The mental picture she just sent him was so much that now he couldn't even grunt. Or breathe. Or think.

He looked down at her face. Her mouth was right next to him. He thought surely that's not what she means. He closed his eyes and leaned back.

"Ben, is that a thing? Do women do that to men?"

His eyes flew open, she did mean that. Why does she think I know everything?

But he knew. He'd heard talk of it. She heard his mind say yes. She slowly grinned at him.

The thought alone made his heart rate triple. She really was trying to kill him. Her plan was fool proof.

"Rey, b-b-babe, I dont think you s-s-should" his words shook

She loved it when this warrior became like putty in her hands. She knew she had him now.

She simply smiled and the next thing he knew, he was seeing those same stars from that first night. Damn, the woman had a mouth. He had to tell himself to breathe after the room spun on him.

All he could do was grunt and moan her name. Rey thought, he has a sexy voice. The man is perfection.

Suddenly he pulled her away. She didnt understand.

"Stop! No!"

"Ben what? You didn't like it?"

The look on his face told her that he did. He was panting, sweating, shaking. She loved it.

"I can't do that to you. In your mouth, let me make love to you babe"

"Ben, do you like how I taste?"

His eyes rolled up. He was about to explode. Did he like how she tasted?? Hell yeah.

He only grunted. She knew that meant yes.

"Then why can't I taste you? Maybe Ill like it too"

"Rey" he groaned

She slid him between her lips again and held tight to his body. He came and it was so incredible. Just when he thought he'd seen it all, she became even more sexy. How the hell did he land her? This love from her, this total abandonment, was more than any man deserved, especially him. He lost all capabilities to control himself.

He slid down her body, rolled her on her back and started kissing her neck, her breasts, her stomach. He couldn't slow down. He had to taste her like she tasted him. She hollered his name in gasping breaths when he put his mouth on her. Her taste was the best thing he'd ever tasted. He had learned he could put his tongue inside her, thrusting it in, slipping it up to stroke her clit and then back down inside of her. It took all he had not to lose control. This was about pleasing her, not himself.

When she climaxed somehow he found it in him to go back up her body and grab her hips and sink into her. She felt pain deep inside but she pushed it away. She needed him, this. She needed him to be aware when they made love. It was so much better. He had never gotten hard again this fast. She could climax over and over. He wished he could. She had learned not to hold back and her whole body convulsed, in spite of the pain. He was just moving with her. But he didn't like her arching her head back. He wanted to look in her eyes as he took her. He held the back of her head and gently pulled it forward so he could see her. Her face was flushed and her eyes were looking at him, into his soul.

He wanted to kiss her but he just watched. He asked again if she belonged to him.

She screamed the word yes.

He couldn't believe what he could do to her.

Hell, she did the same thing to him.

They were perfection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to write my poor scared Ben his first BJ 😏😏😏😏
> 
> Bless him. He is so afraid for her safety. He's such a good husband.
> 
> I love my Ben and my Rey. I've read so many versions and mine is my second favorite. 
> 
> When I watched TROS I saw a man emerge who would be so good to Rey. 
> 
> The amazing Perry Downing writes my favorite Ben and Rey. 
> 
> Look her up on here.


	10. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben wants to know where Rey gets the money. Jealous Ben is my fave.....

Ben wants to be a man who can provide for his wife. He has no idea how. He can no longer not think about it.

"Rey, where is the money coming from?"

She wouldn't lie to him.

"Leia"

"WHAT????"

"Ben it's your inheritance. Leia wanted you to have it"

"Rey I don't deserve money I didn't earn, especially from her"

"So when we have children you won't have an inheritance for them? Because they didn't earn it?"

_Damn. How does she DO that?_

"I didn't say that"

"Okay, but if they don't live up to your standard they can't have it?"

"Of course not Rey"

"Ben, Leia wants you to have it. So take it. Its a way for you to start over. And you have! Who would've ever thought you would be in love and married?"

"Not me for sure"

Moments pass in silence while he contemplates this revelation. Wait...

"I have a question. Who is sending the money to you? How is it coming here?"

"I was afraid you'd ask that. Poe."

"Of course. That's where she would've left it"

"And does he know? That I'm here with you?"

"No Ben. That is too dangerous a message to send out. I've told you they know you are alive. I told them I died and you used your life force to save me. Then our dyad brought you back. They think you ran away. I've questioned him and they aren't looking for you. They know Kylo is dead. They know I wouldn't just make that up"

"But does he write you? When he sends it?"

"Ben, this is ridiculous. Quit being jealous"

"The man is in love with you. They both are"

Her expression is surprising to him.

She knows.

"Did you know that? Did Poe tell you?"

_I'll kill him. How dare he come on to her like that? She belongs to me!_

"Yes he told me he _used_ to be. He's not anymore! He has moved on Ben! How did you even know?"

"Because I'm a man! I watched him watch you, Rey! What did you say to him?"

"What do you mean?? What do you think I said? You think I'm in love with him?"

"What did you say to him?"

"I told him I was in love with someone! That I was married now!   
Ben they really needed me back. I was the top fighter pilot. They kept asking. I told them that my life is with my new husband now. Plus, Poe needed closure. He deserves that"

"Wow. Poor guy"

She is furious. Why is he doing this to her?? First he's scared she will die. Now he's scared she is unfaithful. His fears are too much weight. And far too dangerous.

She mimicks him. "Wow poor guy???? What are you even talking about?"

He shakes his head. "I just feel bad for the guy. He lost you. I know what he missed out on."

Rey breaths deeply. Her husband is wearing her out. She supposed if they force connected more it might help, she could read him better.

"Poe is my best friend. Did you know that?"

"Yes. And no. Hell I don't know. I do know I don't like it"

"Ben, you are my husband! But more than that you are my soulmate! My lover! No one has ever seen me like you do! No one has ever made me feel like you do! And that was happening even before I ever even touched you!!"

_How is it that everything this woman says turns me on? No, reign it in, Solo. We have issues to deal with. But after this damn conversation ends..._

"Poe I can almost deal with. It's Finn. I hate the guy. I'm sorry but I do, Rey. I cannot stand how he _looked_ at you."

"See, that hurts me. That you hate him. Do you not understand what he did? If he had not 'betrayed' you and ran away, we wouldn't be here right now. Have you even thought about that? Seems to me you'd realize that. Not only should you LIKE the guy you should be THANKFUL towards him! Maker, Ben, _you almost killed him._ Do you even _think_ about anything that's happened?? Or just about jumping in bed with me?"

Ben isn't surprised at her anger. She has no idea the things he thinks about, the thoughts that plagued him. He'd blocked those thoughts from their connection. The only time he can stop worrying is when their bodies meet. He realized, maybe she is right. Maybe he is using her. He didn't know what to do with this information. His head hurts.

"Rey, I don't mean to. I don't want to use you. You are, everything. The sun. The moons. God, woman you are _everything_! Of course I think about what's happened! Do you know what I've done?? I hurt you!! I threw you against a damn tree! I chased you all over the fucking galaxy! I called you _nothing_ Rey! Knowing I was lying! Even then, I _knew. I knew you were my everything!!_ But what did I do? Called you nothing! Like, why are you even here? You should hate me! I swear I can't even look in the fucking mirror"

Rey had no idea. She didn't see those things. It was like, this was not that man. That man that kidnapped her. Killed her friend Han. That man that told her she was nothing.

The man who abused her.

This man was not that man.

He is torturing himself but she can't help him. She is his wife. His lover. His Dyad. But she can't help him.

"Ben, you've got to realize you need to connect with The Force again. You need to let the force help you"

"No"

"But its your salvation!! It doesn't mean you'll turn back to the dark side! It will KEEP you from turning back!"

"You will keep me from turning back"

"BEN I'M JUST A WOMAN" she screams at him. Then she took a breather to calm herself.

"You think I'm in love with another man. What's going to happen if I see him? Finn will hug me. What will you do? Kill him? Kill Me?"

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing Ben. Leave me alone"

She ran out of the room. To the bedroom. His head pounded. What was that? She thought he would kill her out of jealousy? How, what, why....

He went after her. She was sobbing. He'd never seen her do this.

"What did you say to me? You think I'll kill you?? Just because you hug another man, that wouldn't make me angry. You are mine, you belong to me and I belong to you. Where is this coming from?"

In her sobs she says,

"It's happened before"

He stood there. Confused. What was she.....Oh God. He knew. He knew what she meant.

"Anakin"  
"Padme"

She turned her back to him. It was so scary acknowledging her worst fear. She knew he must be angry now. She knew she could fight him. She could overcome him. She had done it before. But her heart. That's what killed Padme. A broken heart.

She whispers,

"Yes, Ben. Yes"

He realizes she is afraid of him. Not that he would hurt her physically. She could kill him. Hell she already had killed him. On the Death Star. But she was afraid of dying of a broken heart. Like Padme.

"I COULD NEVER DO WHAT HE DID!!"

She flinches, another sob overwhelming her.

He'd hollered again, dammit. This is not good. He fights the urge to run to her. He needs to hear her heartbeat again. It heals him. But no, that won't help her right now.

He manages a whisper

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to holler. I don't mean to scare you"

She is afraid. No, she isn't afraid. Inside she knew he wasn't Anakin.

"Ben. Ben. He killed her. He killed HIS Rey, his wife. How could he?? How could your grandfather do that?"

Ben had studied this man. He knew this man. As Kylo, he thought Anakin was this great warrior. This great man.

But as Ben, he now knew that Anakin was a weak boy. He wasn't to be admired. He was a pathetic creature.

He also knew that Anakin's blood was in him. That he and Anakin wanted the same thing. Power. Control. What Anakin never realized was that he HAD power. He had love. Padme could've given him the power he wanted. Ben was so lucky that he found Rey.

Anakin gave up a woman for power.

Ben had given up power for a woman.

He'd never hurt her. And now she sits on his bed, scared of him.

He'd never felt so afraid. The fear in the room was thick, dangerous.

"Anakin was a FOOL. Rey, he didn't mean to kill her. He misunderstood a situation. But instead of being a man, instead of being honest with her, he went crazy. I've even told him that since we've been here"

He explains to Rey what happened after Anakin inflicted the harm on his wife, that she went into labor and died after delivering his mother and uncle. Anakin found out but by then he was Vader. The Emperor used Anakin's broken heart and grief to turn him into a monster.

"But Ben, don't you see??? That could happen. You think with your emotions. What if I died? By accident? Or by someone's hand? What would keep you from turning into a monster?"

"YOU WONT DIE I WONT LET YOU DIE I'LL SAVE YOU AGAIN!! I'LL DIE!"

He had hollered again. But she didn't flinch. She was strong again. She was the strongest creature he'd ever known. And he finally realized he had not made her strong. She was strong before he even knew her.

"And then I'll still die. Of a broken heart. So we are back where we started"

He didn't know what to say. So basically he had thought he could save her. But in reality, she could only save herself. She was telling him he had to learn to save himself.

"I wouldn't want to give up my life just to stand on the other side and watch you slowly die"

"Ben, that's my point. You've got to confront your fear of losing me. Because yes you'd save me. But then I'd still die"

She continues.

"Only the force can help you. You use it. You said you spoke to Anakin. How do you speak to him? WITH THE FORCE. The force brought us together. You see it as a curse. But its because you've walked away from it and you refuse to go back. Connect with the force. All the way. You will be a better man. You'll be a better husband. I know its made me a better wife"

He looks up at her as she stands over him.

"I knew you were connecting. But when?"

She smiles.

"You think it really takes 3 hours to go to the market?"

She's right. She's always right, dammit. And she was right about another thing. He had been using it. He just didn't want to realize it.

"So you think that's why you are a good wife? You think that's how I can be better to you?" He said as he walked towards her.

"Yes Ben"

He stands and cups her face with both hands.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you cry. I hate it when you cry"

"I know you are sorry. You'll make it up to me"

She buries her face in his chest as he holds her to him. She absentmindedly strokes his back as he continues to apologize and profess his love for her.

She pulls up the front of his shirt and kisses his chest, right where his heart is.

He can't help it. He wants her.

"Maybe it can help me be better there"

He nods to the bed.

"Nooo, if you get any better there I may not survive it. That...."

This time she nods to the bed.

"Is all us"

Anytime she talks like that he goes straight to the stars. Anakin could've had this. He did have this. He killed it. What a fool he was. Ben would give up anything BUT this. He'd already done it. Power for a woman. But the true power was with this woman.

He kisses her and instantly her hands are in his hair. He needs to hear it again. He lifts her up and her legs are around his waist. He takes her to their bed and lays on top of her, biting her neck.

He needs to hear it.

He whispers in her ear.

"Tell me. Tell me again. Tell me you're mine Rey" he says as he bites her earlobe. She moans.

She feels his hardness push against her as she arches her hips up to him, needing him inside of her.

"I'm yours. I belong to you. I know we are mad at each other. Let's make love anyways"

They desperately pull each other's clothes off. The anger and fear of their fight once again turns into lovemaking. It always does.

There is no foreplay. He plunges into her as quick as he gets the opportunity.

"I'm yours too Rey Solo. I belong to you. Always"

This is real power. He knows she might be right about everything. He'd think about what she said. But first he has to make love to his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fear in him has to ramp up. And part of that fear is his jealousy over the two cute men she calls her best friends.


	11. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Finn show up..... unannounced

Getting the truth out there has helped their marriage become stronger. Despite this, the nightmares still continue regularly. Rey still has not been honest with Ben about it. She doesn't know how to help him. He has to help himself. He still will not connect with the force.

They are still very happy, very much in love, even though things aren't perfect.

They are going out more in public. Ben needs to be out in the world, being a normal man. Her fear of him being discovered isn't as strong. Dreia is their sanctuary and they never plan to leave there. Eventually they'll need to get a home in the village. Ben has been tinkering with carving wood. Rey mentioned he might be a good carpenter. Han had a natural talent for it. When Ben was a child his father regularly carved wooden toys for him.

Rey encouraged him to keep at it. It gave him confidence. She now has a precious collection he had made for her out of wood from their forest. They still go there daily to hone their skills as Jedis.

One day while they are walking back from the forest, she hears her name being shouted.

"REY!!"

She looks up to see her two best friends, Poe Dameron, Finn and the two droids, BB8 and DO. Her face lights up and she starts to run to them. Then she stops.

She turns to Ben who fortunately has a brown cape and hood on. They lock eyes as she connects with him.

_Hide. I'll deal with this. Trust me Ben._

He does what she asks, drops his head and turns and walks a few steps away, hiding behind the corner. This is not easy for him at all but he has to trust her.

This clearly is a surprise visit.

They embrace for the first time in almost a year. The connection between the three friends is still very deep. She gets on one knee and the droids race around her, squeaking and squealing with joy. They all communicate regularly, she knows everything about them. They know everything about her. Except one thing.

After the laughs and hugs and even kisses, the guys tell her they were passing nearby on mission and had to come see her. Their friendship is still very strong.

Ben looks on in awe. He's never seen all three of them together. He's envious of such a deep friendship. He has never had that.

He can clearly see how much they care for her.

What will she do? Or say? Will she tell them the truth? Will they turn on her? On them?

Do they need to run again?

He watches these two men touch and hug his wife, his Rey. He's not reacting like he thought. He watches how she looks at them. She is so happy. She's talking so fast. He wonders if he should leave them be and go back home.

Then Rey's eyes dart up at him. She had felt his thoughts.

He immediately knows she is connecting with him to let him know that she hasn't forgotten him. He stays. He also senses that she doesn't know what to do. She wants to tell them so badly.

Rey really wants them to meet her husband. They never knew Ben Solo. But she knows they hate him. They refuse to see that he was brainwashed as a child by Snoke. She knows they won't be happy for her.

She is so conflicted. She believes she can trust them not to tell their secret, if she asks them to be quiet. Unless they feel he's still a threat. Their duties come first. But it wouldn't be like them to start a war, unless further provoked. These men are peace seekers.

"So Rey, where is he? Where's the lucky bastard that snatched you away from us? I never would've thought you'd leave The Resistance to be little Mrs. Wife." Finn laughs.

"You should've seen the look on his face when I told him." Poe adds "We were both like, no not Rey. Not kick- ass-take-names Rey. Well, whoever he is, he's brave. How many times have you whooped his ass? Used that saber on him?"

Rey takes a deep breath, pauses long enough to concern them and says,

"Well, actually guys, we saber fight a lot. He has his own. His mother's"

Sudden silence.

"Guys, let's go walking, we need to talk"

They walk for about 5 minutes. Poe steps out in front of her, impatient.

"Rey....I have to hear you say it. Please don't say...."

He trails off. He can't say it.

She looks off into the distance.

"I have been in love with him for a very long time. Even before he became Ben again. I hid it from you and tried to lie to myself. I couldn't be with Kylo Ren, no. But as soon as Kylo died and Ben became....Ben again, I couldn't lie to myself anymore. He came to Exegol to save me, to save everyone but also to tell me he was in love with me too. But we never got the chance before I died. You know he saved my life. He and I have been together since Exegol. I brought him back to Anja Kloss with me and hid him while I met with you. Then we came here. Yes, Ben Solo is my husband and he means more to me than anyone else"

The news does not go over well at all. She's glad they aren't in a private place. She sees pure rage in Poe's eyes. She feels pain coming from Finn.

They tell her to leave him. They tell her he's brainwashing her. They want to find him. They knew he was alive but not WITH her.

Poe won't shut up. Finn is so overwhelmed he can't even talk.

Rey is nearly in tears. Then a few roll down her face as she stands there silently.

The guys stop. The conflict they feel is overwhelming. She was theirs first. And truth be told, both men were a bit in love with her. They both knew they lost her. And they had come to terms with it. But finding out they lost her to HIM. It brought back too many emotions.

Ben watches from afar but he feels as though he is right there. She has not broken the force connection from earlier.

He can hear her every thought, which reveals to him her true feelings for Poe and Finn. Her connection with these men is almost as deep as her connection to him. Almost.

She's mine, not yours, he thinks to himself.

He then chuckles a bit to himself. It is like watching three siblings fight.

Yet he knows they are a tiny bit in love with her and either one would gladly take her away. They are only holding back because they respect her. Not him. Not their marriage.

He feels where her heart connects though, not to them, but to him. He isn't _as_ jealous. He actually feels bad for them.

He knows what they missed out on.

So he watches as these two men really, badly want to kill him.

He sees his wife's tears and both fists begin to clench and unclench. This needs to end soon. No one makes Rey cry and lives long.

But he realizes it probably wouldn't be good for his general health if he kills them.

So he stands by and helplessly watches as these two break her heart. He will be all too glad to put it back together.

Then it happens. Finn locks eyes with him.

Finn doesn't say a word. He comes right at Ben.

Then he stops. Not in fear. Finn was never afraid of Kylo Ren. Or Ben.

He senses something.

Quiet. Stillness. An absence of violence. Sorrow. Grief. Deep, deep, gut-wrenching regret. The kind that eats you alive. And love, Ben looks at Rey and Rey looks at Ben. They never move towards each other. They just watch each other. Rey gives him a slight smile. He returns it with the crooked smile that she loves.

Finn watches as Ben and Rey's eyes connect. He just watches Ben watch her.

Before him now stands Leia Organa's son. Han Solo's son. Not evil. Not Ren.

He never felt peace coming from Ben. He would never be at peace.

This connection between them is the force itself along with a deep love. Finn knows it. As a fellow force sensitive, he must respect it.

He turns and looks at Rey and realizes she never looked at him that way. Her face is soft, glowing, unlike any face he saw her make before. It hurts like hell.

He needed this closure, he realizes.

He turns back to look at Ben. "You better not hurt her, do you hear me? You...better....not. I'll kill you. I'll fucking find a way to kill you. Slowly, do you understand??"

Ben is shocked at what he feels come from Finn. For the first time ever, Ben Solo is a bit intimidated. He wonders if Finn really could kick his ass. He nods in agreement.

Finn walks away. Rey rushes past Ben to speak with her friend privately. Rey reaches and brushes her hand against Ben's as she passes.

_I love you Ben Solo._

Ben smiles at her reassurance.

Ben realizes Finn is a worthy opponent and he reconciles that Finn loves his Rey as much as he does. They will never be friends but Ben now respects him. A little.

It's just good they don't live on the same planet.

General Poe is having none of it. He just states his anger at Ben.

He comes right up to Ben and stares at him, no fear. They glare at each other.

Ben knows he is wrong but he really does not like this Poe Dameron guy. Poe is so angry all he can do his whisper through clenched teeth.

"Listen you piece of SHIT I dont know HOW you convinced her to MARRY you but I think you are a pathetic asshole. Get the hell out of my way, I'm going to see Rey"

Poe storms past him, shoving him with his shoulder, then turns around.

"If you hurt her, I'll fucking kill you. I dont know how I'll do it, but you can bet your Jedi ass I will"

Another man just shoved me to get to my wife, Ben thought with amusement.

He doesn't know if he wants to kick his ass or admire the man's bravery.

Poe storms up to Rey, sees the hurt in her eyes & slows down. He's shaking all over. He whispers,

"I can't do this, I care about you. You are my sister. When you come to your senses, let me know, I'm out"

Rey tries to stop him

"Poe, don't be mad! I'm happy! Please try to understand!"

Finn puts his hand on Rey's arm. "Let him go. He isn't mad at you"

Finn cuts his eyes over at Ben. Ben is humble. No way he could've done this a year ago. He would've exploded in jealousy.

Poe tells Finn he can't handle this he will wait for him back at the resort. They will leave immediately.

Finn gently pulls Rey to him by the arm. Their faces almost touch each other. Finn stares at Rey.

Ben would only allow two men to grab his wife and get that close to her. Her brothers. He will respect this relationship. But it's not easy to watch. He just has to remind himself that she is _his_ wife.

Finn whispers to Rey,

"Are you really okay? Really? Look at me. You'd tell me if he was making you stay with him? Has he hurt you?"

Rey looks up with tears in her eyes

"Finn. I am happy. I can't explain it. There was so much I didn't tell you back then. I knew I loved Ben a long time ago. But imagine if I had told you, what would it have done? Caused division? Then you wouldn't have trusted me. The person we fought, Kylo, he may have been in that same body but that man over there is not Kylo. That is Han's son. I'm married to the man that Han sacrified himself for. That's who Leia died for"

"My number one mission was to save the Resistance from The First Order. I literally killed Kylo that day on Kef Bur. I accomplished our mission. I had no idea that Ben would still be there. I was thinking I was killing a man I loved deeply. But I still killed him. Then the force was strong on me to save his life. So I knew there must be a reason. But Ben had to decide if he'd turn away from the dark side. He did it for his parents and for me. He didn't care who won the war but he helped me save all of us"

Finn grabbed her in a long hug. He touched her face. She sensed deep pain in him. She knew she broke his heart a long time ago and it was something she'd had to live with.

"If you need me....."

"Finn, I know"

And then these two men that she loved like brothers, are gone, along with her beloved droids. Maybe next time she'll just go see them alone.

She weeps on Ben's chest for the hurt she'd caused her friends. And realizing that her dream of them accepting Ben will never happen.

He's as moved by this act of love for him as he was when she healed him. She had chosen him over them. The pain he felt in her was awful. He couldn't stop it. He could only do one thing.

He wraps her up in his arms, his cloak enveloping her and lets her sob on his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finn needed closure.
> 
> I loved Poe's reaction (LISTEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT) 😂
> 
> I love seeing Ben a tiny bit intimidated.
> 
> Don't worry, Finn and Poe are still her BFFs.


	12. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben finds out what happens after his nightmares.

Her body is pulsating in the most amazing pain. She hates and loves it. 

  
He watches her get up and walk across the room after making love to her. Something is off.

He follows her to the shower where he hears her make painful sounds. Her face winces as he watches her bath herself.

She is hurting. Badly.

She shouldn't be. They weren't rough at all just now. He always let her dictate how rough they were. He didn't care as long as he was inside of her.

"Rey"

She jumps. She didn't know he was there, watching her. She had been rather distant from him, not connecting. He knew she was keeping something from him. He had left her alone about it. He trusted her. But something is off with her.

"Rey, what's wrong? Are you in pain?"

He walks up to her naked body and wraps her in his arms.

"No Ben I'm just sore, you wore me out"

She tries to play off her lie with a smile.

"Rey......stop it. Don't lie to me, you are in pain. I wasn't rough with you. Babe, come in here to the bed, sit down"

"Actually, sitting down makes it worse"

"Rey, baby, talk to me"

"I guess I need to"

"Here, I'll take care of you. Just be still"

As he bathes her, Rey sighs with the contentment of how this man takes care of her.

He is very aroused but right now he has to leave her be. Her body apparently needs a break. He has been informed by her that he is rather, large. He thought though by now her body would be used to him.

He wraps a towel around her, scoops her up and carries her to bed, just like on the first night they were together. He won't let her walk if she's hurting.

He lies her down gently and lays with her. He will not leave her alone.

  
She tells him everything.

Ben sits up, confused.

"Wait. No! Hold on. That didn't really happen, that was a dream. That wasn't real, you must've dreamed it with me, like a force connect during the dream"

"Well Ben, my body says otherwise. It really happened. After I pull you out of the nightmares, you want sex. I would say you make love to me but it's not like that. Ben, let's just say you pretty much fuck my brains out"

Ben jumps up from the bed.

"No! I wouldn't do that! I'm always careful with your body. I know I can hurt you so I always try to slow down so I don't. I would never hurt you"

Rey sat on the end of the bed.

"Ben, you don't mean to. You are still asleep. Half asleep. It's not you. You didn't realize"

It hit him. Hard.

All those times, he thought it was a dream, it wasn't. It was REAL. All those times he'd dreamed he was on her, in her, taking her, hurting her, it was REAL.

"Oh....Oh....Oh no....."

"Ben......it's okay"

"What do you mean it wasn't me? Of course it was me! Who else could it be?"

They made eye contact. Tears form in the corners of his eyes.

"Rey, what's happening to me? That wasn't me"

He went over to her and got down on his knees in front of her. He wrapped his arms around her. He begged her forgiveness. He kept asking her questions.

  
"Did I say anything to you? Did you try to get away from me?"

He can't control his fear. He drops his head and force-thought it, he couldn't say it out loud.

_Rey, did I rape you?_

She grabs his head and pulls his face up, looks him in the eye and shouts.

"NO BEN SOLO. No, you didn't rape me. It hurt. But Ben, you needed me. And I kinda liked it"

"I don't care if you liked it. I don't need to have violent sex with you for my own therapy. You should've force threw my ass across the room Rey"

"It was what you needed. I like that you need me"

"NO REY! NO! I do need you. Every second of every minute of every day, I need you. I needed you from the minute I first laid eyes on you. I needed you the first time I ever force connected with you, on my ship. I needed you every night when I closed my eyes. I needed you when you touched my finger the first time. I needed you in the turbolift. When you fought alongside me. When you left me in the throne room. I needed you so bad when I looked into your wide open eyes and you were dead in my arms"

"But I don't need to half-rape you, I don't"

"Ben it wasn't rape!!!"

"To me it was. I was holding you down. I heard your voice. I felt you tear inside when I penetrated you but I didn't stop. I thought it was a nightmare"

"Ben, it's okay, I told you I liked it!"

"IT'S NOT OKAY REY!!!!"

She jumps back. He'd scared her. He'd never screamed like that, not that loudly.

She felt it. His soul pulled away from hers a bit. She felt a disturbance in The Force. In the dyad. Something was happening. He subconsciously had detached from her a bit.

She shook all over.

Ben had felt old rage come up. Not against her, at himself. She pulls him out of that horrible feeling with her tears. Her body shook with her sobs. She looks at him with a look she's not given him since Takodana. She looks at him with fear.

"Rey." He whispers.

_Oh no what have I done?_

"Rey, I'm sorry. Rey, I wasn't mad at you. Don't cry. Oh God don't cry baby. Come here"

Rey pulls away.

"Don't touch me"

_No, no, no, she's never said that...._

"Ben, just go away. Go get a shower"

Ben leaves her alone. He would always respect her wishes, even if it killed him. He had hurt her. Again.

_I'm always hurting her. I'm always hurting this precious burn bright thing. She deserves better than me._

He thought about all the things he'd seen her do. He'd watched her kill men, cut the wing off his own damn ship, battle and defeat the most evil demon in the galaxy. He knew his wife was badass.

He knew she could kill him with a flick of her finger.

But he still saw her as fragile, tender, sweet. He'd saw her break down over her parents. He'd saw her love for nature. He'd seen her cry over how pretty a waterfall was. He even remembered how doteful and caring she was for her droids, BB-8 and D-O.

He knew he had a warrior. He also knew he had a woman as breakable as glass.

He would not hurt her again. Even if it meant sleeping in a different room. That may be what he needed to do.

The thought of reaching out in his sleep, to nothing, was enough to make him cry for real. Tears flowed down his face as he stood in the shower.

The following evening, they are lying in bed. Rey is asleep, breathing deeply against his chest, he's so thankful that she'd let him hold her. Her hair is longer now and spread across his arm. He can't help himself. He connects with her thoughts and finds her having peaceful dreams. He smiles and closes his eyes, able to sleep because she's at peace.

Hours later he feels his heart racing. He's sweating. He is asleep and the fear was coming.

He can't find her. He can't sense her.

"You lost her. She's gone. She hates you Kylo Ren" say these old familiar voices. They took her.

He rages. He kills everything he can find looking for her. But she is no where.

Had she been a dream? Was she ever real?

He wakes up, gasping. He reaches for her. He needs her. He grabs her roughly. This time she was still sleeping, not expecting his roughness. She was not prepared.

As he spreads her legs to take her, she wakes up. Her eyes are wide with fear. She screams.

He comes out of his trance. He looks down to see her face. She is afraid. She had not been ready this time.

He scrambles to get up. He leaves the bed as she realizes what was happening. She reaches for him, calling his name. He is disgusted with himself and pushes her away.

She follows him.

"Ben, Ben!! Stop!"

"No! Go away Rey! There's something wrong with me" he says, gasping.

He sits hard on the chair. She kneels in front of him. She lowers her face under his, forcing him to look at her. She grabs his face with both hands.

"There's nothing wrong with you Ben. But you've got to realize what's happening to you. You are under attack. The Dark Side is never going to leave you alone. Snoke...."

"DON'T SAY THAT NAME!"

She stands her ground. She is determined to say it. She continues.

"Snoke took advantage of your worst fear. You thought your parents didn't love you. He used that. He's dead but what he was, the dark side, it's not dead. As long as the force exists, the dark side exists. Now it's using your greatest weakness. Me"

"I know. I know!! But Rey, I can stop this. I can"

"I know you can too, Ben. With the force"

"No Rey!!! You don't get it! I don't want to do that! I don't want to be a Jedi!"

She shifts from kneeling and sits back on the floor, a few feet away now.

"What? What are you saying?"

"I want the Jedi gone. I want us to be normal. Like my Dad. My Dad was just a normal man. I wanted to be like him. I wanted to be a pilot. That's all I wanted. I wanted to fly the Falcon like him and be the best pilot in the galaxy. But no one cared what I wanted"

"Wait. You hated your dad. You, you..."

She can't say it. Since she had become his she had not said it. So he did.

"Say it Rey. I killed him. I killed my Dad. I killed Han Solo"

"I know. I watched. Remember?"

Ben looked up and saw her eyes. Expecting to see anger, he saw love. He doesn't deserve her. He hangs his head.

"Yes Rey, I remember. Why aren't you mad anymore? You hated me. Called me a monster"

"The monster died. I killed the monster. You think I'd let a monster make love to me? Ben, let it go. Please! Han forgave you. Don't forget that. He even sent you to me, in a way"

He wasn't listening.

"I'll just sleep in the other room" he says more to himself than her.

"Say what now?" She jumps up, angry. "Oh hell no. Hell no. You aren't leaving me Ben Solo. I'll just follow you into the next room" She paces back and forth, ready to smack him.

Now he is slightly amused by her. She is his firecracker. He knows better than to press it. He knows better than to make her angry. He's pretty much terrified of his wife.

"Okay Rey, calm down. I won't. But I can't keep doing this. I won't use the force again. I'll figure something out"

She turns to him. This feels quite familiar.

She is hollering louder and talking faster than he's ever seen her. He is just glad she doesn't grab her saber and kick his ass again.

"Okay then, Luke, don't be a Jedi. Hate the Jedi. He closed himself off from The Force, refused to help me. I needed him to help me but no, he hated the Jedis. And now here I am again, arguing with yet another Skywalker. Another Skywalker leaving ME to carry the burdens when YOU have the power to help me. I swear, he was so stupid and now you are too"

And with that, she realizes the sun is up and went to shower. He heard the door lock.

He just stands there, shocked.

She called me Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HE'S DOING THE SAME THING LUKE DID. Running.
> 
> I've read a lot of fanfics that say Ben just wanted to be like his dad. I love that concept. 
> 
> Second point:
> 
> This story somewhat evolved out of my own life.
> 
> You'd be surprised how many men out there feel guilty. They think we are fragile.
> 
> Rey's tired of being treated like glass. 
> 
> FYI men, most of us women like it rough!
> 
> I struggled with her saying he can use her body. I don't want to send the wrong message. 
> 
> Always talk with your partner. I think it's okay to use and be used as long as it's consensual. I believe she uses him too. 
> 
> Please comment if you are uncomfortable with how I wrote it. 
> 
> P.S. I love that they call each other warriors.


	13. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wants a home of her own.....

The good thing about fighting is getting everything out in the open.

The nightmares seem to have calmed down in recent weeks.

She didn't know if Ben was connecting with the force. It is a sensitive subject. He did seem more peaceful. Their relationship was stronger than it had ever been.

The time had come for Ben and Rey to create their own home. This room that they had stayed in for the last 12 months was very precious to them but they agreed it was time.

They had discussed leaving Driea but the planet had been so good for them. It wasn't very inhabited plus it was beautiful. Like a dream.

There were no homes in the village that were empty. Rey encouraged Ben to build one. Right there in the forest. Their forest. No one lived in the deep woods. It would require a lot of hard, hands on work.

"You could do it babe, I know you could. You are very talented"

Ben wasn't so sure about this.

"Rey, I've made little carvings for you, this is a whole damn house"

She smiled and sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around him.

"I know you could. I just know it. I'll help you. We can do it together"

He gave some thought to it and decided, why not? It's not like I have anything else to do.

He knew there were men in the village that could give him advice. He had not spoken to many people. Rey was all he needed. Sometimes they'd visit her friend in the market. He was very much a loner now. He realized that was his natural personality. Not a loud, boisterous man like Kylo, but quiet and private. It was a good feeling to just be himself. No expectations were made of him. Rey just needed his love and friendship, which he was happy to give her.

The thought of making conversation with strangers intimidated him now.   
But, anything for his wife.

So he forced himself to learn and she was right, she was always right.   
He was actually good at this. He cleared trees until he had a good size area. Rey mostly watched. The sight of him working hard was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her. And damn sexy too, she thought while watching his bare back, glistening with sweat. She loved this man so much. It seemed like years and years had passed since they saved the galaxy.

She was crying, again.

She had found herself so emotional lately. That was not like her.

What is wrong with you, she thought to herself and smiled and wiped her tears quickly, before he noticed. He hated it when she cried.

As the construction went along, Rey would try to help him. She would become so exhausted. She blamed that on lack of training recently so she determined to get back at it.

Ben listened to her saber swinging, hearing her body move with it, like the saber was part of her arm. He loved it because he understood how she felt. It was something only a Jedi could know. He needed to get his mother's saber out and practice. But he had too much to do.

He couldn't believe how much he loved constructing. It was like he was meant to do this. As he worked, his fears would dissipate. He wouldn't think of everything that could go wrong in their lives. The fear of being found out, the fear of losing Rey as punishment, all of it would go away. Even at night he was so exhausted he wouldn't dream at all. The nightmares were holding back.

He realized he couldn't hear her. He looked down and she was sitting on a rock, head between her knees.   
He quickly climbed off of the newly constructed roof and went to her. He knelt down in front of her.

"Rey, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

She looked up, he could see her fatigue. He didn't think she was practicing that hard.

"I don't know Ben. I'm so tired. I don't feel good"

He calmed himself. She's okay Ben, she just overdid it, he told himself. But deep down he knew something else was going on. He pushed it away, using a bit of force powers to do it, just this one time.

He scooped her up. She was really tired, he could feel her go limp.

He carried her inside the half built home and laid her on the pallet she'd made for them. They had started spending some nights out here. He felt her body grow heavier as she fell asleep in his arms.

He just held her, trying not to think about why she was so exhausted.

He was watching her, feeling her breathe. He was so worried that he allowed himself to connect with her, just to see if he felt anything. He didn't know if the force would show him if she was sick.

He gasped. He almost hollered out loud.

No....could it be? He sensed a presence.

Something was there.

No.

Some ONE was there.

His heart took off like a lightening bolt, thumping wildly.

She's pregnant.

He had felt his child's presence.

No wonder she was so tired.

He stopped. Wait. Does she know? Had she not told him yet?

No, he knew his Rey. She wouldn't keep this from him even a second.

He knew and she didn't. He smiled and actually shed a few tears.

He couldn't help it. He kissed her forehead over and over. He kissed her nose. He kissed her mouth, the whole time smiling.

She opened her eyes.

"Ben Solo what are you doing? I was sleeping....why are you smiling at me? What's wrong with you? Are you going crazy?"

"Babe, Rey, come here"

"I am here silly"

"No, closer"

He gathered her up tightly.

"Rey, I have a question. Are you late?"

She looked at him funny. What in the world is he talking about?

"Late? Late for what? What are you talking about? Oh....."

She realized what he meant.

"I don't know, I don't keep up with it. You know I'm not regular. Why?"

"Rey....babe...how long has it been since your last period? You need to remember. I think it's been a while."

"Why? Ummm...huh. It has been a while. Why?"

"Rey, you are pregnant"

"No I'm not. I'd know. How would you know? Wait, what were you doing while I was sleeping?"

"Well, I was afraid, so I may have done a thing"

"You connected with the force? Oh Ben, thank you! I told you that it would help you!"

While she was gushing over him, he slowly moved her hand to her own belly, placing his on top.

Rey gasped. She had sensed the child's presence.

"Ben.....Ben......oh....."

He waited and grinned like a wild man.

"BEN!!!" She beamed. She grabbed him.

"That's it. That's why I'm so tired. Oh and I threw up yesterday" she said it like it was a good thing, laughing.

He laughed at her being so happy. Wow, this was not expected at all. But really, it was a miracle it had not already happened. They'd had sex almost every day since they arrived here.

They laid there, mutually thrilled and exhausted. They talked until she fell back to sleep. Soon he did too.

  
She woke him up during the night. She needed him. This man who was giving her all of dreams was all she wanted. She slowly undid his pants while kissing his chest. He opened his eyes.

"Rey, what are you doing?"

"Ummm....undressing you?"

"Rey, is this a good idea? I don't know if we should. You should see the midwife first, see what she says"

"Ben Solo, I don't need anyone seeing anything. I'm fine. I'm not sick. Now, make love to me, dammit"

She says all this while removing her top and breastband.

_Damn it her breasts are gorgeous...._

He has to focus. She's not being reasonable.

"Let's just make sure first, okay? For me?"

She let her hair down, distracting him.

"Ben I'm not uneducated about things. Don't you think I've talked to my friends here in the village? One of them is pregnant now and she said its okay and actually...."

She grins wide at him.

"It's better when a woman is pregnant. And I'm about to find out"

She stands and removes her leggings..

_Not the black lacy panties ...damn it...._

He's never seen her so eager to make love. Maybe he'll be gentle with her, after all, she _is_ determined.

"No Rey. No. Stop. Not now"

He gets up and walks away. The sun is rising. He needs to go beat on something with a hammer.

She rolls her eyes, laughing at him running from her.

Then she cradles her belly and smiles  
as she hears him aggressively pounding away.

She uses the force to feel this life inside of her.

This is amazing, she thought before she fell back to sleep. It wasn't long before Ben came back inside, found his naked sleeping wife and made love to her anyways.

Several weeks have passed since the discovery of her pregnancy. Ben is watching her.

Look at her glow, he thought. He didn't think she could get more beautiful.

She wasn't showing yet, so it was still their secret. They loved that.

Ben was trying very hard to hide the fear he fought on a daily basis. He had become so afraid for her to do much of anything.

"I need to train. I miss it Ben. I'm out of touch with myself. I'm fine."

"No Rey. Don't fight me on this."

"Ben, I know that saber fighting with you may not be a great idea but I can still practice alone. It won't hurt the baby"

"Rey....."

She sighed out loud.

"Whatever"

And she left. She had things to do.

He knew she would train. She never went anywhere without her saber.

"Women" he said out loud and left to go complete some building.

The roof was finished, walls were up. He'd had to figure out how to add a second room, for the baby. This seemed so unreal. He was going to be a father.

He knew wild animals couldn't drag him away from this child. His old bitterness towards his father had tried to rear its head. He couldn't understand Han, how he could have left him so often when he was a child. Ben knew he never would and had not even met his child.

He was already in love with it.

Rey felt good. The sickness had subsided not too long ago. Ben had been so sweet, holding her as she threw up every day. The midwife had assured him that this was normal. She had also assured him that all activities were allowed. Including love-making.

He had been so much more tender and careful with her body.

Except during the nightmares. And they weren't stopping. It was still happening at least once a week, usually when he was stressed.

He refused to talk about it. He still refused to use The Force to combat his fears. It was out of hand.

She found a place in the forest with no hills or rocks, so she wouldn't trip or slip.

As she swung her saber, she become one with it. She was Rey again. Ben didn't understand. As she listened to her saber zipping through the air, her mind connected to The Force.

She missed Luke and Leia deeply. She knew they weren't really gone but she'd love to feel Leia touch her belly, feel her grandbaby move. She also knew Luke was so surprised by all of this. Rey had told him Ben was still there, inside of Kylo Ren. She knew back then, deep down, that she could bring him back to them.

I _told_ _you Master Luke. I told you he'd save us._

_I just didn't know he'd save me too. But he did. And now I'm having his baby._

She felt tears. Happy ones.

Damn I'm so emotional now, she smiled while swinging yet again.

"Rey"

Rey spin around to see her husband standing there.

Dammit. Busted.

"Don't start Ben!"

He laughed.

"I'm not. You are so amazing to watch. I know I'm wrong. You okay though? You are crying again"

"Yes I'm okay. Just thinking. Remembering the past"

He made a face. He didn't like the past.

"Ben, the good parts. I told you, bad to good, remember?"

She smiled and walked over to kiss him. She stood on her tiptoes. He thought it was cute how she had to stand on her tiptoes to kiss him. He lifted her up so she didn't have to.

"Yeah. Just please be careful" Ben said to her.

"Ugh, I AM"

He kissed her deeply.

"Wanna go home?" He said and winked.

"Always"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️


	14. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT READ IF YOU DONT WANT SPOILERS!!
> 
> ((((this chapter could be triggering for anyone who's lost a baby. I hate to spoil it but I want to protect my precious readers)))))
> 
>   
> (

One morning, Rey was out walking. Ben had been very busy lately. He was completing their home but he was also building two other homes for locals. He had become quite a carpenter. She was so proud of him.

As she walked she felt some discomfort. The midwife had explained to her that as the baby grew, her body had to create more room inside of her. She pushed the concern away.

As she arrived home, the discomfort grew. I just need to sit, put my feet up, drink some water. I'm probably dehydrated.

Ben came home and paused to look at her. She shoved every emotion she had deep down inside of her. His fears were more than she could handle right now. It seemed to work.

He announced that he had only returned home to fetch something and came over and knelt down to kiss her. He took a minute to massage her feet. He figured that was why she had them up on the pillows.

They made eye contact. She felt better. He left.

She nodded off to sleep, dreaming of her perfect life.

In an instant she was awake. The pain was growing.

No, no Rey. Its okay. It will pass, she thought.

It did go away but then another wave of pain hit her.

What's happening? Her hands went to her small round belly. No movement.

She felt wetness. Thinking she had an accident, she stood up. Blood.

She began to shake. She went to check. There was more blood.

She couldn't stop herself. Her heart, her soul, her spirit cried out to him.

 _"BEN!!!"_ she screamed.

Ben was buying his wife her favorite fruit. He knew she craved it more often now. She'd be impressed he remembered.

He heard her scream inside his soul. His heart skipped, several hard beats in his chest. He stumbled, dropping the fruit. His eyes widened in fear.

_Rey!!_

He almost fell but grabbed the cart, spilling fruit everywhere. He didn't even notice.

He ran, his long legs not long enough, breathing erratically.

He didn't know what was wrong. He felt her pain. It was overwhelming her. His saber in hand,prepared to kill whatever, whoever it was hurting his wife and his child. His entire world.

He ran into his home. She was alone, on the floor, pain was coming in waves. There was blood on her undergarments, cast over to the side.

He thought someone had raped her. He let out a roar. He would light the galaxy on fire.

He ran to her, lifting her to his chest. She was limp. He had flashbacks of Exegol.

_NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!_

But she was alive. The pain was causing her to whimper and gasp.

Then, he noticed. There was emptiness. She was still there. But.....

The baby was gone.

This pain, it was unlike anything he'd ever felt in his life.

He couldn't sob. He couldn't let himself feel it. Not yet. She was still hurting. He had to get her help.

He carried her to the midwife, wrapped in his cloak. He was desperately trying not to break down.

The midwife confirmed their worst fear.

Rey let out a deep bellow of a cry, from the depths of her soul. All Ben could do was sit there, his face paler than usual, single tears falling. He was in shock.

The midwife left them alone, to grieve. She was a kind soul. This was the worst part of her job. She'd have to return to guide her sweet patient through the worst thing a woman could endure. Her husband would stay, she'd learned quickly that he wasn't like most husbands. She'd never seen such a doteful man. This was no ordinary couple.

Rey's body wracked with pain. That was nothing compared to the feeling in her heart. Her baby. Her baby was gone.

He could not have held her tighter. He pushed her hair out of her eyes, his hand stroking her small face. He couldn't talk. He wanted to connect with her but he was afraid to. If he felt her pain along with his own, he couldn't be strong.

Why can't I take this from her, he wanted to scream at The Force. I can save her life but not my child's life?

Her pain intensified even more. He hollered for the midwife to do something, anything. She explained there was nothing that could be done. Rey would have to feel this pain until it was over.

He sat on the bed, his wife laid between his legs, her head on his chest. He held her as she passed the baby. It was worse than any nightmare. He cried openly but quietly so she didn't know. He'd never felt so hopeless.

Why didn't I know what was happening and get the chance to save my child? I could've used my life force and saved it. It was too late.

Rey spent the night with her midwife, so that the woman could make sure she was okay. Ben sat up all night, watching her. He was numb.

As he watched her sleep, he couldn't believe Rey's strength. He would've thought that would kill her. But it didn't.

The midwife called to him to come to another room. He didn't want to take his eyes off of her but the old lady said she was never in danger. He owed this lady his life for helping his wife.

She explained that Rey would be okay physically. It would take time and she would have some restrictions for a few weeks. He'd have to take care of her. That he could do.

She said no one knows why this happens and don't let Rey blame herself. Eventually her body would return to normal and she could get pregnant again.

That was the last thing he wanted. He couldn't risk that again.

He carried her home and laid next to her. The emotions rode over him like a wave. He sobbed until he passed out.

He dreamed of his Mother. She held him as he cried over the loss of his child, like he was a boy again. Stroking his hair from his face and humming the lullaby she would sing to him as a child. He gripped her tightly, burying his face in her chest as he sobbed.

"My baby Mom, it died. It died Mama, I couldn't save it. It hurts so bad. I wanted it so badly. Make the pain stop Mama"

"Shhh...I know, my sweet Ben. I know it hurts. You will be a father one day my sweet Benny. I'm here Ben"

"I miss you Mama. I miss you"

"I'm here Ben. I've never left you. This will get easier, I promise. Just take care of Rey"

He looks up at her and she wipes the tears from his face.

"I love her Mama. Thank you for sending her to me. She's amazing. She's so pretty Mama. She really does love me"

"Yes, I knew she would. I knew she loved you a long time ago. And I knew you'd turn as soon as you saw her. I'll always be thankful to her for saving you. I'm so so proud of you my Benny. You are a good husband"

She starts to fade away.

"No Mama! Don't go! Don't leave me!"

"I'm always here my baby. I've never left you. Go take care of Rey"

He never woke up to see her force ghost holding him, wiping his tears away in his sleep. He never realized it was real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for spoiling it. I also apologize if anyone was upset by this. 
> 
> I'm going somewhere with this, I promise. 
> 
> I actually sobbed while writing this chapter. 
> 
> They will heal together and this will make them stronger.
> 
> I adore Ben in this chapter, how he cared for her and how he cried on his Mama. I had to bring Leia to him. I do believe she would've been there for him. 
> 
> Tissue, anyone?


	15. Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our sweet couple has endured so much and now this. They need each other more than ever.

Several months have passed since the loss of their precious first child.

They had made their new house a home.

Rey had physically recovered with Ben tenderly caring for her.

The only good that had come of it was the bond between them was stronger than it had ever been. This war was harder than any battle they had ever fought.

Ben was amazed by her strength, not only had he watched her go through labor with no child to hold, he had watched her walk through the deepest valley she'd ever faced. He hoped he had been of some support.

Many times he'd broke down alone. This was the worst pain imaginable.

Rey knew she could not have survived without her husband, her dyad. So many nights he held her while she sobbed. They didn't have to talk out loud, thankfully. He'd read her thoughts while she told him how bad she was hurting. He'd listen until she finally passed out. He'd watch her until he couldn't stay awake, just in case she needed him.

  
Slowly, they became normal again. But they'd never be the same again.

Rey went back to her training. She needed it like food and water and the air she breathed.

As she swung her saber, she closed her eyes. She moved with it and it with her.

Today she had taken Leia's saber, instead of her own. She needed Leia's strength. As she became one with The Force, she heard Leia's voice in her soul. Leia knew she needed her. She wanted Leia to appear before her, in her force ghost form.

Instead she heard Leia say, "No sweet Rey. You don't need me. Keep leaning on Ben. You need him and he needs you"

Rey stopped. When she opened her eyes, her husband was standing there, Luke's saber in his hand.

He didn't open his mouth but he told her that he knew she needed to battle with him. They both needed it.

Battling each other was, in some ways, like when they made love. They connected on a different level.

He never worried about hurting her. He anticipated her every move. And she his.

He watched her anger come out with every blow. It was therapy.

Even though he knew she wasn't angry at him, deep down he was angry at himself. He felt like he should've known. He had seen her earlier that day. She had told him she was fine but he should've stayed with her.

The memory of her in his head, screaming for him, still haunted him. He hoped he never heard her scream like that again.

He'd had no nightmares since then. He knew it was only because he'd slept so deep from exhaustion. He knew they wouldn't stay away forever. He didn't know what he'd do when they returned but he was determined that Rey would not bear the burden of it again. No matter what he had to do to protect her from it.

After they were exhausted from battling, he took her inside where he cooked dinner for them. He had to make sure she ate. When she was down, she had no appetite. It was his job to take care of her. She loved him so much for it.

They had learned to make love again. Of course he waited and let her initiate. Even then he argued with her. The thought of hurting her scared him. He let her make love to him, moving in ways that didn't hurt her healing body. It was very gentle and for some strange reason, it moved him. He had never learned how to go slow with her. Her body had always drove him wild. But now, it was a deep emotional act between them. He watched her in awe, in ways he never had before. Her body was the most amazing creation. He had a deeper respect for the female body. He had seen it perform miracles.

He realized how badly he needed to see her have his child. He wanted to see that again, this time with a happy ending. He didn't know how he'd overcome the fear that would come the next time she was pregnant. Deep down he knew The Force would help him face it.

Once again he turned away from it.


	16. Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nightmares return and Ben lashes out.

_Where is she?_

Ben is in the forest. She had disappeared.

_She was just here._

"Rey?"

No answer.

"Rey? Babe? Where'd you go?"

_That's not like her._

He continued to call for her. As he searched, his heart rate accelerated.

_I can't find her._

Desperation is kicking in.

"Rey, c'mon now. Stop playing. You know I don't like this"

She screams the scream he hates.

He begins to run. He jumps over fallen logs, runs through a small stream. His breaths come faster, his vision narrows. Anger rises up at whoever or whatever is scaring his bride.

"Ben!! Ben!!"

Just like on the day of the miscarriage, his blood runs cold. He'd been terrified he'd hear that horrible scream come from her again.

He suddenly stops. Something is there.

He senses his wife's presence. He would always find his dyad. Their souls were one.

Something else. Something evil.

Something dark.

He heard the laugh. The blood curdling laugh. He knew it.

Palpatine.

He had her! He had Rey!

He activated his uncle's saber. It gave off a blue light to everything around him. He could hear it humming, ready to strike.

He heard her scream for him but further away. He continued to run.

No matter how far he ran, he couldn't get to her.

It just went on forever. She was gone.

Ben woke up, gasping. He opened his eyes to the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. Rey.

She was okay. She was safe.

The sheet had come off of her. She laid next to him completely nude.

He was immediately aroused. He needed her, now.

Sex between them had been very gentle for weeks now. Her body had changed but he found her even more beautiful. He had not been rough with her in months.

He couldn't do it now. He couldn't use her again. She wasn't strong enough. It wasn't her problem.

He got up shaking. He could not take her like that. He didn't know if she could handle it. He was not about to find out.

A cold shower, he thought, that's what will fix it.

He stumbled, shaking and sweating, to the shower. He didn't know how to calm down. It had been a long time since the last nightmare.

As he stood there, water flowing down on him, the fear wouldn't stop.

He knew she was safe but what if one day it was real? What if one day he came back for her?

What if he returns? He had been dead before. Like he told Kylo, he had died many deaths. What if he takes her from me? He thought. He knew he'd find her. Her friends would even help him. As much as they hate him, they love his wife. He'd ask them for help, if he had to. The three men would hunt the galaxy for her together.

But what if they couldn't find her?

_What if I lost her forever?_

He began to shake harder. He couldn't grab a hold of his senses.

Rey stirred awake. She reached for him. He wasn't there. She sat up and called for him. She heard the shower running. It's the middle of the night, she thought.

She sensed fear in him. Oh no, the nightmares had returned. Why hadn't he woke her? She wanted to be his medicine.

She walked quickly to him. She found him in a complete state of panic. She came up behind him, wrapped her arms around his body, kissing his back. Why didn't he reach for me? she thought.

He jerked away from her.

"No, Rey. Go away"

She felt her heart jump. Something was happening. He'd never turned her away. She felt something shifting in him. Something was happening.

"Ben, no. Why? Come here"

She reached for him again. Once again, he pulled away from her.

"No! Go put some clothes on! You need to wear clothes at night Rey. I can't handle it"

"Where is this coming from? You like me to sleep nude. Besides, I'm used to it now. I like it. I like feeling you on my skin at night"

He groaned. Damn why does she always have to be so sexy, he thought. He shoved the thought out of his mind.

"Go away Rey. I can't make love to you right now"

"Well then don't make love to me. Do whatever you want to me. Just don't turn away from me"

"Rey, NO. I will not hurt you! You are not some tool for me to just use however I see fit"

She teared up. "But Ben, I like it. I keep telling you that. I really do like it. Please"

He turned the water off and grabbed a towel. He threw it at her.

"Cover up, dammit. Leave me alone"

He grabbed another and wrapped it around his waist. He stormed away from her, going to the other bedroom. He slammed the door.

She heard it lock.

She went back to their bed. Feeling rejected, she laid down and cried herself to sleep. She never thought he wouldn't want her.

This was something unexpected.

_What is happening to my husband?_


	17. Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben wrestles with the Dark Side while Rey fights to save him...using whatever she has to do it.

She dreams of him.

He doesn't dream because he doesn't sleep.

Rey wakes as the sun rises. She knows immediately that she is still alone in their bed.

She walks to the other door and tries to open it. It is still locked.

She dresses in her old clothes, wrapping herself up in the long white fabric that she knows he hates.

The fabric makes it easier to train..

She goes out into the forest, practically running. She stops and activated Leia's saber. She feels a connection with the force inside of her as she swings. The frustration grows and she becomes louder and louder, shouting, screaming as she lets it all out. Waves of worry melt away as she spins and jousts, everything in her soul and body burns with a desperation to fix the problem.

She stops. She needs to feel him. She needs to feel her dyad, the other half of her soul.

She tries to connect with him.

There is resistance.

Her eyes flew open. _A wall?_ She saw a wall. It was not thick. It was barely there. But she saw it.

He is blocking her out.

She knows that he felt her trying. He's resisting me, she realizes.

He's never blocked me out. Not on his ship in the interrogation room. Not when she was on the island. Not ever. Even when they were enemies, he never turned her out of his mind. He had admitted to her that he wanted her in his mind, even back then. Because he loved her.

"No Rey" she hears him say in her mind.

 _"Oh HELL no!_ " Rey Solo tells her husband out loud.

He hears her.

She is _pissed_.

_He will not push me away, not after everything we've been through._

She turns off her saber and runs home, angry tears flowing.

She stops. Anger leads to the dark side, she reminds herself. I'm a Jedi and I will not let anger control me, not even now.

But she still intends to kick his ass.

Rey nearly rips the door off of the house.

"WHAT? WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT?"

Ben Solo jumps back, surprised at her reaction. He knew he'd upset her but damn, those eyes looked like ones he had not seen since Starkiller Base.

"What was that??" She speaks through clenched teeth. "You pushed me away. Why? You've NEVER pushed me out of your mind. Even when we fought as enemies, you always let me in. What the hell? You have a nightmare about losing me, you won't let me have sex with you and now this? I'M YOUR WIFE"

He stares at her. The air between them was on fire.

"Rey just because you are my wife doesn't mean you always get to read my thoughts"

"WHAT?? SINCE WHEN? _Kylo_ didn't think so. He _wanted_ me in his mind. He _wanted_ me!!"

"WELL I'M NOT KYLO AM I???"

He slams his fist against the wall, leaving a huge hole.

She starts sobbing. Openly, not holding back.

They both feel it. A disconnect. The wall is now thicker. There is a rip in the dyad. Small but painful.

He doesn't understand why she is crying. He is doing this to protect her. She doesn't need to see what he is thinking. That he is thinking of turning back to the dark side. The dark side won't take her away from him if they both turn to it, together. That is the answer. It had come to him during the night.

He wants to run to her, hold her. Kiss her tears away.

But he doesn't. He walks away from her, leaving her there. He's not sure why.

He walks into the bedroom. She follows, still crying. It is embarrassing to her that she is doing this, begging him. But she can't help it. She needs him.

"What are you doing? What is happening Ben? What is this?"

Silence.

She tries again to get in his mind, to feel what he is feeling. To try to understand.

"Stop Rey. Stop it"

"But why....." She whispers.

"I don't know Rey. I just....You don't need to see it. There's things you don't need to see, to feel. I have to protect you from it. You are too pure to feel it"

"What is it Ben? What did I do?"

"NOTHING REY. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!" Slamming both fists into the top of the table that stood between them.

She jumps back. She'd felt it. He didn't mean to let her but he did.

It was deep fear. Anger. But not at her. Anger at himself for not being able to control the fear. Fear for her was turning into anger.

And anger leads to the dark side.

There it is. The Dark Side.

He stares at her.

She stares back at him, afraid but aware.

_He's slipping back._

_He's going back into his old ways._

It makes no sense.

Something else that doesn't make sense is how mad they are at each other yet how much they want each other.

She is angry and confused but she finds herself wanting to kiss him. To touch him. To feel him. She needs him. Not just his body but his soul. His soul is slipping away from her.

  
She pushes into his mind. Forces her way in. Pushing the wall down, daring him to build it again.

He hears her say to him in his mind, in his soul,

_You ARE going to take me RIGHT NOW Ben Solo. You are going to rip my clothes off and fuck me like you know you want to. Like you need to. Like I need you to._

He tries to resist her. But he can't. He'd never seen her like this and the masculine part of him, the part of him who desires this woman more than the air he breathes, is very turned on.

"Fuck me Ben, NOW"

Her eyes are like flames and he can practically see how she wants his body.

Damn, that makes him hard as hell. Maker, she is so fucking sexy.

His lust for her makes him cave.

With one hand, he throws the table between them to the side. Stuff flying everywhere.

They come at each other like animals. She grabs him first. She doesn't just kiss him, she pushes her tongue into his mouth forcefully, grabbing his hair and pulling him down. She reaches down, undoing his pants, pushing them to the floor. She wants desperately to be his medicine again.

She takes hold of him with her hand, stroking him roughly until he thinks he might pass out.

He doesn't want this. But he does want her.

He's never seen her so wild.

"Take my clothes off. Now"

He can't talk. He just obeys, ripping them to shreds.

"Pick me up. I'm going to wrap my legs around you"

So he does as she commands.

He knows he shouldn't do this to her. He knows it will hurt.

She hears his thoughts.

"Ben. Hurt me. Fuck me. Please"

Then he couldn't stop. This wild, amazing, beautiful creature is his wife and she wants to be fucked. He will fulfill her wish.

He walks her to the wall and slams her into it, lifting her up and then down his cock. He thrusts into her harder and rougher than he ever had before, over and over while she screams his name. It is enough to make him hungry for more so he gets rougher, biting her nipple.

She lets out a cry but in her mind tells him to keep going. So he does.

It is like nothing he'd ever thought they'd ever do. It is something he knew he'd wanted. It is what he wanted before he loved her. When she was strapped to that chair glaring at him in defiance. She'd never been afraid of him. It was sexy as hell. Maker, he wanted to fuck her right then and there.

She is biting his neck, talking to him in his mind.

_More, don't stop, I need you. I know you think I don't like this but I do. I do. I_ _don't_ _care if it hurts, I just need you. I need you inside of me, fucking me hard, fucking me fast, fucking me deep. I know you think this isn't love but it is. I love you. Ben, I belong to you. I always have_ _. I love it when you fuck me._

_I'm yours Ben, I belong to you._

Her orgasm explodes as he drives into her, screaming his name, digging her nails into his shoulders so hard it draws blood.

He feels wet heat pour out of her.

He really thinks he was going to pass out from how good it feels.

He growls, "I belong to you too" as he pounds her with his cock and she begs for more.

She reads his thoughts and knows he loved this.

Then he comes inside of her, moaning her name louder than he ever has before.

His head is spinning but he manages to put her down without dropping her, even in his anger he loves her and takes care of her. Then they both lay in the the floor, heaving and gasping. They are completely drenched in sweat.

She pulls his head to her chest, wanting to love him. He's always let his guard down at the sound of her heart beating.

But he pulls away. He says nothing as he stands and leaves her, laying there, alone.

She doesn't understand what was happening. She thought that would work. She thought he'd see that it was okay to use her body to overcome his fears. It had failed. She just lies there and cries until she passes out.

He returns after pacing outside and finds her in the same spot, on the floor asleep, curled into a ball. He picks her up and lays her on the bed, covering her with a blanket, smoothing her sweaty hair from her face, kissing her freckles gently. He leaves the house again.

He is being torn in so many directions. He loves her so much. But the fear is controlling him. The fear that none of this will last. The fear that he'll lose her.

Like the fear he felt the day his child died, it was the same fear that she could die too.

He has become irrational, not seeing how much she loves him. Not seeing that the force is calling him and always will.

He is giving in to the dark side.


	18. Confrontation

When she woke up, she was stronger and determined.

She would make him see.

The dark side wanted her husband.

She wanted him more.

With the help of The Force and the Jedi who had been with her in the past, they'd win.

They always did.

So she gathered her strength and went out to her spot in the forest to connect with the force again.

_Be with me. Be with me as I fight for your grandson, your son, your nephew. You brought us together. I need you to keep us together._

She knew all of the Jedi were with her on this.

Except one. The most important one. Her husband, her lover, her best friend. Her dyad.

She went back home, hoping he had returned. He had not.

She then felt him enter their home. She would not face him yet. She kept her back to him.

She felt another presence. Evil. Darkness. She felt the dark side enter her home.

"Rey, I've made a decision"

She spun to face him. "You haven't turned yet, so no, you haven't made a decision"

She continued, "What's holding you back?"

He did the one thing she thought he'd never do again. He held out his hand. He wanted her to take it.

This same hand that she had rejected before was now the hand that had held hers in the forest. The same hand that held hers while they made love to each other for 12 amazing months. The same hand that wrapped a ribbon around her arm, binding them in marriage. The same hand that had built this home. The same hand that held her body while she miscarried their baby.

Now she would have to reject it again.

"I can protect us better this way"

There it was. He'd said it.

He went on, "Rey, I can't be a Jedi. I've told you already. I'm not a good guy. I've killed people. Innocent people. But if I turn back, I can protect us. The dark side won't hurt us if we are one with it. You were right. I can't be a normal man. I am what I am"

It was a good thing her saber wasn't on her she probably would've struck him.

Even though she loved this man with the deepest depths of her soul, she'd have to turn on him.

"You have already offered me your hand before in this way. I rejected you then and I'll reject you again. I want Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren"

"I AM BEN SOLO!!! I AM NOT KYLO REN!!!"

She wanted to be afraid. But she knew he'd never hurt her. He was not Anakin Skywalker.

She wasn't afraid for herself. She was afraid for him.

"All I know is you've stood before me as both and you two look a lot alike. Only one is my husband and he would never be tempted by the dark side again. No matter the cost. You are being so stubborn and stupid!! YOU ARE A JEDI. If you continue to reject the thing that brought me to you, you reject me. I am Rey Solo, I am one with the Force. Why won't you realize that the very thing you are walking away from is the reason you have me?!?"

She continued. "The dark side literally killed both of us! You will lose the very thing you are trying to protect!!! ME"

"You would leave me?"

Her silence was her answer.

He left again.

She felt him leave her, not just physically but in every way. She felt it in her soul. It was too late. The dyad was ripped in two.

She cried again but much deeper. Before was a cry of exhaustion and fear of losing him.

This cry was from a broken heart.

The sobs that overtook her caused her to gasp over and over. She couldn't stop. Oxygen wouldn't come in. She stumbled to the bed and collapsed.

Is this how Padme had felt? Had history indeed repeated itself? The room went dark as she slipped into unconsciousness.

He went through the forest in a rage. He was tempted to burn it down.

He went deeper into the forest than he had ever gone. He roared and screamed.

He couldn't believe she'd leave him. After everything, she'd leave him. Before she was just a girl. But now she was his wife.

The dark side was calling him, screaming for him.

He wanted to force her to go with him to it. It would solve everything. He'd make her go.

"I'm too weak without it. I'll make her come with me"

Suddenly, an old familiar laugh behind him. One he remembered from his childhood. Someone was there.

"I don't know, I've met your wife. Nobody makes her do anything"

He didn't have to look.

It was Luke.

Someone else too. He felt her. His mother.

"Son", Leia said with deep concern.

Ben was in shock. This is his imagination. Like with his dad that day.

"Go away"

"Don't talk to your mother that way" said his uncle.

For several minutes there was silence. He sat.

Ben said, "You aren't here for me. You are here for 'The Force'. For the 'good of the galaxy'" he said mockingly.

"I'm here for you, son. And for my daughter"

She continues,

"I failed you & I've come to tell you that"

He looked up. He could no longer hide from the truth about what went wrong between them. The last year had showed him. Dad had said that even though she was dead, what she fought for wasn't. He meant more than the Resistance. He also meant she had fought for Ben.

"Mom, you didn't fail me. I failed you. I didn't become what you wanted me to be. I'm still a monster"

Her hand touched the black hair that she caressed when he was a baby. He didn't expect that. It was the first time in years that he remembered. He still didn't realize she had come to him the night the baby died.

Like when his dad touched him, he realized he missed her.

His newly hardened heart softened some.

"No, son, you are not a monster anymore. You are a scared husband"

"Son, I failed to see you. I saw this great Jedi. I was so proud of you. But now I realize it wasn't you. You are still a great Jedi, one of the most powerful ever. But first you were my son and I didn't separate the two. I forgot that you are also like your father, you needed more than just rules and restrictions and training. You needed love"

"Mom, I know you love me. I used to think you didn't but when you reached out to me that day, I saw how much you do love me"

"Ben, I'm not talking about love from me. I'm talking about the love from a woman. Something I told you that you couldn't have"

He finally looked up. His tears flowed.

She continued, "Ben, you are killing her"

"Mom! I'd never hurt her!"

"Not on purpose, no. But you are killing her right now by the choice you are making. Turning back to the dark side will kill her. Just as it did our mother"

Suddenly he had a vision. He gasped. He could see Rey.

She was sobbing. Gasping, sobbing, groaning. It sounded like she was in pain. She passed out. Then the disconnect. The disconnect that he caused. Her heart was breaking. She was dying like his grandmother had died.

He jumped up to run to her.

Luke hollered at him.

"Stop! She's okay"

His anger once again came at his uncle.

"You think she's okay?? You don't know her!! You act like you do but you don't!! She may have been your student Luke but she's MY WIFE. She's not yours, she's MINE. You hurt her!!"

Luke laughed to himself. This was not his padawan. This was not Kylo Ren. This was a different man than he'd known before. This was a man in love. This was a terrified husband. Luke knew he'd come to his senses. He was a strong Jedi, he just didn't know it.

It had nothing to do with Rey, that girl he'd faced off with on an island. But she had changed him. Helped him become strong.

"Yes I hurt her. But you are hurting her now. That wife of yours is stronger than any Jedi I've ever known. Stronger than me or your mother. She told me you would turn back. She told me she'd turn you back. I'll be damned, she did it.

Ben, I was wrong to come between you two that night in her hut. If I had been stronger in the Force at the time, I would've seen what was happening.

Not only did she turn you back, she married you, forever cementing your dyad. She's trained you to be strong and you didn't even know it. You keep running from The Force, Ben. The Force is in your dyad. You can't run from the essence that is her. But because she is strong in the force, she will do what she must and that will kill her"

"Ben, you have to stop being so stupid. You want to be a normal man. You want to be like your dad? Your dad KNEW the power of The Force. He didn't deny it. No, he wasn't a Jedi. But he was force sensitive. He wants you to be a Jedi, be one with the force"

Luke continued, "You've said you don't want to be like me. Well guess what? You are doing exactly what I did. Disconnecting from the force. Rey pulled me back to reality. She told me the answer was in pulling you out of the dark side. I didn't let her do that. And because of it, the turmoil went on longer than it should have. She is wiser than any of us. LISTEN TO HER"

Leia spoke. "Son, I know you are afraid something will happen to her. That is what a man does. But why can't you understand that The Force is strong enough in her to defeat it? Her strength coupled with your own, you two are the strongest Jedi that have ever lived"

It was like his eyes became clear. There it was. The truth. Luke was right.

Anakin left Padme for the dark side. It killed her. She didn't die from childbirth, she died from a broken heart. Anakin broke her heart, breaking their bond, killing her.

He was killing Rey right now by not listening to her.

He desperately turned to his mother. She knew her brother's words had pierced him.

Suddenly, he knew.

"You _were_ there that night. It wasn't a dream was it, Mama?"

She reached up to him, stroking his face.

"My baby needed me. I'm so sorry that you lost your child. You needed me. So I came. I'll always be with you my Benny"

"Mama, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I took him from you. I'm sorry I took him from myself. I need him so much right now."

"Your father forgave you. He saw your love for her. Somehow, he knew she'd change you. And yes, he'd understand your fear of losing her. Solo men love deep and hard. He's with you, he'll always be with you"

She stepped back. It was painful to feel her hand leave his face.

"Now go, go take care of her. Find the force with her, in her. Let her connection bind you together. Don't ever let it be broken. Grow stronger together. And after you and her are strong TOGETHER in the force, go make me some beautiful grandbabies. I love you so much son, I've been so proud of you. You are a good man"

"I love you Mama"

With those words, she beamed. He'd never seen his mom smile so big.

He looked at his Uncle Luke.

He wanted to fix it. Fix what went wrong between them.

Luke shook his head.

"There's still time for that. But for now, go home"

The they were gone.


	19. Peace

He ran, like a wild man. She needed him. She had not needed him like this since Exegol.

He ran into the room and she was on the bed. She was limp, weak. Her heart was leaving him. The dyad was split in two. She was dying. Like Padme.

He forced himself to calm down. Don't let the fear in. You've seen her like this before. She's alive. You have The Force in you. You can save her.

He was gasping her name. He rolled her into his lap and pressed her against his chest. Her heart was barely beating. She wasn't breathing.

She's alive Ben, her heart hasn't stopped yet. She just needs to feel you. Feel The Force in you. Just do what you have been trained to do.

He force connected with her. He got into her head.

_Babe, come back. Rey. Rey. Its me. It's your Ben. I'm here. I'm holding you. Come back to me. I'm so sorry. I love you. I need you. Please come back!_

He started kissing her face. Her brow. Her nose. Her cheeks. Those beautiful freckles, he kissed each one. His tears fell on her face.

 _Come on baby. I'm here. Come back. Don't leave me. Oh God don't leave me_ _again_

He began to sob, rocking her as he did on Exegol. Flashbacks of her dead eyes hammered his brain. He kept calling to her through the Force.

She was too far gone to hear him speak out loud. The only chance of her living was reaching through the force, bringing back their dyad. He pressed his lips on hers, whispering pleas into her mouth.

Very lightly, her lips moved against his. The energy in her was very weak but it was there.

"Ben?" Her voice but a whisper, weak.

He sat up like a bolt of lightening.

"Oh Rey. Babe. Oh Maker, thank you"

"What happened?"

"Rey, I hurt you. Your heart was breaking. Our dyad was gone. But I'm here. Its okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

"Oh Ben. It was terrible. It hurt so bad"

He sobbed with relief. He grasped her tighter and tighter to his chest. Their dyad was reforming, like two hands intertwining their fingers together. He could literally feel it. He took her hand and ran his fingers between hers. He cradled her with his other arm.

"I beat it Rey. I beat the dark side. I almost went back. Leia and Luke saved me. They saved me. I saw my Mama"

Rey was growing stronger as their dyad was reconnecting. But she was still very hurt by him.

"Ben, you left me. You ran to it and from me. Not just in body but as you ran, your bond broke inside of me. I couldn't breathe. Everything turned black. Ben, we are keeping each other alive. We are only alive if we are together"

"Rey you are right. You've always been right. We've both died. Palpatine killed you and my life force brought you back. You realized you loved me on Exegol after I died and your love brought me back. We are more connected than either of us know. But when I allowed myself to let the dark side back in, thinking I could protect you better, you started dying. Like Padme. Their bond broke and it killed her"

He continued.

"There's nothing we can't defeat together. There's no threat we can't face. The Force is strong in us. But I had to confront my fear. Luke and Leia showed me my fear and it's gone. Its gone"

"All of my life I was searching. I became obsessed with searching. It destroyed me. I thought I found what I needed but it destroyed me. Then you. YOU. You were it. First you marked my body. Then you marked my soul. What I was searching for was you, Rey Solo."

Rey laid in his arms, tears streaming. Not because she was hurt or broken or afraid. Because this was her Ben. No fear, no anger. Just strength. Strength in the force and strength in himself. Finally, he was her Jedi Knight. He was a warrior. No evil could ever take him from her again.

"Ben, I need to tell you something. I've somehow hid it from you. I had to protect it, even from you"

She took his hand and placed it on her belly, looked him in the eye and smiled.

Now that the wall was torn down he was fully connected with her again. He felt it, like before. The presence of another soul.

She was pregnant again.

He was elated. Then, concerned.

"But, earlier, when I put you on the wall, that was too rough. You shouldn't have let me do that"

She laughed and said, "Oh yes I should have and I plan on you doing that many many more times"

He groaned at the memory and kissed her passionately.

She pulled her husband down on top of her, running her fingers into his hair.

"Say it Rey, please"

"I belong to you Ben. And you belong to me too"

"Yes I do Rey Solo"

And in that, in their love, was finally found, peace.


	20. Epilogue

The pregnancy goes smoothly.

Ben is at peace, finally a strong Jedi.

The fear has subsided. Now he just bugs the shit out of her for nine months. She constantly has to remind him that she's pregnant, she's not sick.

They soon felt the presence of two souls. Twins!

Purposefully holding off reaching further to find out the genders, they decide to wait patiently, wanting to be surprised.

The pains start slowly, coming closer and closer. They must fetch the midwife. She comes to them. Her home holds too many bad memories.

His biggest concern is that she will have to be cut open. Padme died after birth and Leia almost died, both being cut open. She labors on without much struggle. All is safe.

He refuses to leave her, no matter the custom. No man should leave his woman at her weakest time. The midwife never even brought it up. She knew better.

It's killing him to see Rey hurting. Any other time he would try to take her pain away. This time the pain is inflicted by his greatest love, his children. This time the reward would be well worth it.

As the first one is born, he suddenly doesn't care about the gender. Is it okay? Is it breathing?

It's a girl.

He's surprised. Somehow he thought it would be a boy. He can't believe how he feels, looking at this little Rey.

The midwife hands this beautiful creature to him. He must care for his first born daughter while his wife labors on. The midwife instructs to him how to clean her off and bundle her up. The baby screams, in shock of the outside world. He holds this precious thing close.

"Shhhh baby girl.....shhhhh.....I've got you......I'm your Papa.....you are beautiful......shhh....."

How is it that his heart is now outside of his chest? He rubs his nose into her hair, nuzzling her, smelling her, feeling her precious soul connect with his in a way he never felt with anyone before. Her name would be Leiliana. After the lake they were married at. He was in love immediately.

He hears another cry.

Another girl!! Well at least he won't have sons named Luke and Han, he laughs.

His second daughter would be named Driea, after the planet they had come to love so dearly.

He supposes he should be disappointed there's no son. The thought only races through and it's gone.

Two little Rey's. He sees that both girls have their mother's features, including her beautifully angled nose. He's surprised to see two tiny heads of jet black hair. Wow, he never thought of that, seeing his hair on his children's heads. Rey says later she was thrilled that their girls have that hair she loves so much.

I would die for them, he thinks, holding both at the same time. How did he get so lucky?

Rey wants her daughters. One at a time he passes them to her.

He'll never forget this picture before him.

His children root for their mothers breasts. It is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, to watch his wife nuture his daughters. It's like she just knew what to do.

She will be a great mother. She will train them to be strong women.

As he stands there feeling slightly helpless, he feels a surge of The Force. It comes quite natural to him now. He is strong in The Force, finally at peace in himself.

He will never be all light. He will certainly never be all dark. Somewhere in the middle. Like a grey.

Rey had come to the same conclusion about herself. Grey Jedis.

Ben turned to see Luke and Leia. They do not speak.

Rey turns the babies so they are looking at their grandmother and great uncle.

Leia touches the feet of her granddaughter's, bending to kiss their heads. She then kisses Rey on the forehead. She walks over to her son.

"Mama"

She knows the circle is complete.

Before her stands her only child. Leia places her hand on his cheek, smiling. She knows he is finally at peace.

Luke just watches. He beams at them, laughing a bit. He places his hand on Rey's head.

He touches each child, looks at Ben, winks and he's gone.

Leia slowly disappears back into The Force. Ben knows he will see her again. She is always there. He sees her in his daughter's eyes.

He wishes he could see his father.

Han would be smiling from ear to ear, slapping Ben on the back teasing him, "Oh you are in trouble now son! Three women!"

The thought brings laughter up in Ben's throat.

He knows the fear will come back. His everything is now lying on that bed. All three of them.

When it comes he will face it. He won't run from it.

He will train his girls in the ways of The Force, even now he feels their Force signature, humming with purity. They are force sensitive.

They will be warriors, like their mother, grandmother and great grandmother. He will also ensure they are happy, fulfilled in their lives, not just as possible Jedi's but as individuals.

The Solo Jedi's. He thinks and smiles.

They will be prepared when the dark side comes for them.


End file.
